Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I Have To Say Something About It....


I called it gay, sappy, not a real vampire story, just a love story......but ladies hear me out.

We live in a cynical world. We work too hard, we are in fulfilling yet at times frustrating relationships. Some of us are in terrible relationships, are unhappy with our jobs and our lives in general. Some of us settle, don't question the hand that has been dealt to us but we still try our hardest.

Women today have found solace in things like Sex and the City, which was really wonderful. but even at the times of laughter, a little sad, pessimistic and well real. Real life, real love.

After the 80's and 90's we were over The Carrington's, Melrose Place and we liked real stories no more bullshit, so we put down the Danielle Steele and read all about Lipstick Jungles, and Prada wearing devils.

But, romance. Real romance, real love is back. Baby, it's the new black. Because even in the end Carrie got her Big.

This author touched on subtle emotions like lust creeping in. Overwhelming emotions like the rush of falling in love for the first time with someone so beautiful and who irrevocably loves you back without even having lain a finger on you.

To all you naysayers, I dare you not to fall in love with falling in love with Edward. I dare you not to hold your breath when he can finally hold Bella for the first time. It is the most sensual thing I have ever read and there is no sex involved.

To all you naysayers, I dare you not lose your minds when Jacob finally kisses Bella the way he wants to.... and the way only way Edward can't.

I want someone to want me so badly that they really do want to eat me alive and I will settle for no less....because I have seen Twilight.
Thank you to my sister for sharing this with me....

18th Child For Duggar Family.....yeah 18th

“Saying there’s too many children would be like saying there’s too many flowers,” she replied. “You just can’t have too many. I think they’re precious and just a wonderful gift.”
Added one of her daughters, “It’s like having a live baby doll.” (msnbc.com)

Now, that is a sentiment of pure delusion that personally makes me weep for this woman's vagina that has literally been through the Holocaust. 18? Really? Fuckin...18? I mean if you look statistically at the numbers.....I mean there has to be something seriously wrong with at least 7 of them.
Oh and the whole "saying there's too many children would be like saying there's too many flowers." WTF is that all about? Too many flowers...get the fuck outta here with that bible rhetoric bullshit. "You can't have too many."? Yes. Apparently you can. You can have 18, shit you can have 1 and have too many.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Human In Love With Vampire....that would be me.

OK. I give. Uncle. I am not made of wood people, I am not made of wood. I have joined the gaggles of women of what I once called silly and have fallen in love with Edward Cullen.
You give me the brooding, impossibly gorgeous guy with the messy hair and the crooked smile....FUCK!
It's sensual, but not sexual. She smells so tasty to him, that he wants to devour her, but he can't because he is also completely in love with her. Did I mention the perfection? Oh yeah, perfection. He rocks her to sleep (which I might find annoying but not from him), he sings her lullaby's that he composed himself (which I might find annoying as well but not from him), he is protective to the point of carrying her all the time (....well you know). Oh and he growls......I haven't heard it yet but I imagine it is very very arousing.....or scary which I find arousing.
So yeah, I joined the coven.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Madonna? Causing Controversy? NOOOOOO?

“This woman comes here and in an incredibly shameless manner, she provokes a crazy enthusiasm, an enthusiasm of lust, lustful thoughts, impure thoughts,” said Medina, the cardinal who was chosen to announce the election of Pope Benedict XV.

You live in a golden palace, you wear the big funny hats, when your last boss died you had him laid out for everyone to see, there were worshipers standing at the Vatican gates until you announced your new boss. I consider that shameless and Godless.
Enthusiasm of lust, of any kind is a feeling. Impure thoughts are just that, thoughts. If you have never had either of them pal, then you don't deserve to get to heaven because if you have never been tested then you have never questioned. Faith is not blind, it's a gift. If you truly have faith, than you will not be shaken by lust or ooooh impure thoughts.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


“I wouldn’t have been in the state I was in if I wasn’t in the crash,” said Barker, who spoke Sunday while at the Miss California USA event with Shanna Moakler. “I wouldn’t have third-degree burns all over my body or be prohibited to do certain things. I can’t go swimming. I can’t do some of the things that normal people can do. I didn’t ask for that to happen.”(celebitchy.com)

I would simply be happy to have survived a plane crash, because the chances of that are quite slim. But this is the best part...." I wouldn't have third degree burns all over my body." Have you seen Travis Barker? He has tattoo's covering 98% of his body that were etched into his skin by a burning needle....by choice. Yeah, he didn't ask to survive the plane crash, but he was blessed to have survived it and he has the balls to COMPLAIN about it? You are the most ungrateful, self mutilated shit on the planet.

PETA Loves To Pointlessly Bust Balls

PETA somehow tries to compare Britney's self imposed prison to the prison of performing circus elephants:
But man, how quickly America’s sweetheart fell from grace. And it wasn’t pretty. Now, at the bottom of the barrel, she’s sporting elephants dressed in circus attire for her new video titled—what else—”Circus.”
As Britney is such a victim of the paparazzi and always complaining and crying about how she hates to be held up in her guarded house and can’t feel free, she of all people should be able to relate to the horror that captive animals go through when they’re used for entertainment. Except Britney chooses to perform, and the lifestyle just comes with it. Animals are ripped away from their mothers at a young age, kept in chains, and prodded with electric shock devices to make them perform. That doesn’t sound so voluntary to me.

It took me a minute to figure out what this meant. If they think Britney is going to understand the correlation between her and circus elephants all she is going to think is that they are calling her fat. Draw her picture guys, I think she will understand that much better.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


I wrote this blog to get my point of view across....my point of view. I can also take down rude comments left by people with sand in their vaginas that don't have the balls to even write their name, because like I said before it is my page. You want a soap box....get your own this one is mine.
When I say that President Bush's and his underlings last thing before he exits office is knowing two years ago that the economy was headed for a bust, does not mean I blame him alone for the trouble our country is in. I know that these things began to unfold years ago. I mean the legacy that he leaves behind as President of the US for the past 8 years has been one marred by bad decisions and yes lies. When I mention Clinton, he was sought out by the right for lying about a blow job. Bush was caught on video tape before Katrina ravaged New Orleans being debriefed about the levy's not being strong enough. In comparison....what is the worse of the two?
He will go on record as the worst President this country has ever had, during a time that we truly needed strong leadership.
People blame the President for the situations our nation faces during the time they are in power, that is the truth. As soon as Barack screws up, I will be the first to admit it.

Monday, December 1, 2008


WASHINGTON - The Bush administration backed off proposed crackdowns on no-money-down, interest-only mortgages years before the economy collapsed, buckling to pressure from some of the same banks that have now failed. It ignored remarkably prescient warnings that foretold the financial meltdown, according to an Associated Press review of regulatory documents.
Bowing to aggressive lobbying — along with assurances from banks that the troubled mortgages were OK — regulators delayed action for nearly one year. By the time new rules were released late in 2006, the toughest of the proposed provisions were gone and the meltdown was under way.

So, this is the gift that President Bush leaves us with as he shuffles his goofy ass out of office. He did not act on it then because this was his second term and shoot, not his problem anymore. If we take everything that has happened to this country while he was Commander In Chief then add this cherry to it.....doesn't the fact that they almost kicked Clinton out of office for lying about getting a blow job seem insignificant?
Let me say it the only way I know how. Fuck you Mr. Bush. For those of you who voted for him again in 2004.....TA DA!!! At least under Clinton we had peace and prosperity, you know in the long long ago.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

More Madonna and Guy...

"Madonna says she watched Guy turn from a dynamic, witty, suave and funny man when they first met to a middle-aged emotional retard," snipes a snitch. "Madonna says that now the divorce is over, she hopes she can have a civil rapport with Guy for the sake of the children." (msn.com)

Gee....I wonder how that happened? It couldn't have anything to do with his marriage to Madonna? Nah, she has always been so balanced and non domineering. Shine up those balls and add them to your trophe case.

Britney's Interview In Rolling Stone

All questions had to be put in writing ahead of time and she was never left alone.....because you have no idea what the bear will do without it's handler.

"I didn't think my husband was gonna leave me," Brit tells Rolling Stone in a new cover story optimistically titled 'Yes She Can!'
"Otherwise, I'd be with my babies 24/7. But since they're almost like twins, they both take care of each other. I think they look like me. They don't look like their father at all." So, you think it is alright that your sons that are both under the age of 5 take care of each other? I will tell my sister that next time she needs a sitter.

"It's scary to put yourself out there and be like, 'Oh, God, is that cool?' If you're not going to really go for it, you can't just go there halfway," says Britney. "But sometimes, when you go for it, you can't lose." Well except your mind, your money, your children, your hair, your career, your underwear and basically control of your life.

This is not a pleasant sight people, no rejoicing yet.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Heidi and Spencer Get Married...I don't really care but they did so I have to rag on them

The two headed evil has wed, the Apocolypse will be taking place in the Lido Deck. Bloody Mary's for everybody.
"The minute we said our vows, I couldn’t stop crying,” Heidi told her blogger pal Perez Hilton of her ceremony at the One & Only Palmilla Resort, just outside Cabo San Lucas. (justjared.com)

Yup, that sounds about right. Non stop tears once you say your vows, good sign.

And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again....

Colorado's Fort Lupton Municipal Judge Paul Sacco fights fire with…..fire. When kids violate local noise ordinances, they're forced to sit in a room and listen to Barry Manilow. Sacco began the program when he noticed that these kids would just show up to pay the fines in court, and would then go and repeat their offenses. (perezhilton.com)

Man...pfft...wtf man? Why...why they always gotta hate on Barry? I PAID to see him. I am seriously going to start rethinking what I share with you people because I am so not with it obviously. I went to see New Kids On The Block, I went to see Barry Manilow and call me crazy but I don't think vampires should be able to walk in the daylight and they are supposed to have fangs and eat people. I'm just old fashioned that way.

Holy Crap!!!

PARIS (AFP) – The Vatican's daily newspaper marked the 40th anniversary of the "White Album" by dismissing as a "quip" John Lennon's notorious claim that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus Christ.(news.yahoo.com)

Damn! The Catholics finally got a sense of humor.


Britney Spears' new CD has lyrics about Adnan Ghalib. A source told Us that the track "Mmm Papi" on her CD Circus (out December 2) is about the former paparazzo. "It's a gift to him," the insider said, adding that Spears, "is crazy for Adnan," whom she publicly dated for about three months last winter. (usmagazine.com)

It says she wrote the song for him. She wrote it? Bitch with a twang wrote a song called "Mmm Papi"? Right.
I actually listened to this CD. Twice. It is apparent that she did not write a thing on this and there is a robot singing for her or she is a robot or something because....there is still something wrong with her.

You Had Me at Bisexual Twins...

Bisexual twin sisters Rikki and Vikki, known as the “Ikki Twins,” will star on spin-off A Shot at Love, MTV announced in a statement on Friday.
Both men and women will vie for each twin’s affections on the reality-competition series A Double Shot at Love, which premieres Dec. 9. (celebitchy.com)

Oh thank God! Finally some quality programming! Am I the only one bothered that they are known as the "Ikki Twins".....as in like icky....as in like gross.
Whatever.....rev up the DVR boys.

WTF News Today

A security guard shot and killed a man wielding a sword Sunday on the grounds of a Scientology building in Hollywood, police said.
The unidentified man approached the guard around noon in the parking lot of the Scientology Celebrity Centre, said Officer April Harding, a police spokeswoman. The guard “felt threatened for his life” and fired at the man, Harding said. (agentbehead.com)

This reminds me of a line from a movie,
"You know what happens to motherfucker's who carry knives? They get shot!" I don't know if the same goes for wanna-be samurai's or Zorro's....oh wait!!! It does! Idiot.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Tattoos and Rihanna

The 20-year-old Bajan beauty said she got the Maori-inspired geometric design in New Zealand and explained, “It’s tribal. It represents strength and love. It’s their traditional way of tattooing. I always wanted [one]… [But] it hurt like hell!” (justjared.com)

You know what else represents strength and love? Strength and love. A tribal tatoo? How original....

Monday, November 17, 2008

Me and Obama

Um.....Obama sir?
When I put that lil' icon of you insinuating that you are a Jedi, I meant it in the most respectful way. Now, it has been several weeks since I did that and a couple weeks since you were actually elected and I would like to take it down. Except, I can't. I can't because every time I go to remove the image it pops up again. I get it. "OOOOOOOH how weird! I can't get the Obama image off my main page. He must really be powerful!" That was 1 week ago. Now it's more like "Um, WTF Obama? There are other people besides you on this planet I would like to have representing my page!"
I voted for you, so I am asking NICELY because it pays to be nice, let me get your face off my page before I get sick of you and all Jedi.....OMG!! I didn't mean that I didn't mean that!!

Prince and The Bible

Recently, Prince hosted an executive who works for Philip Anschutz, the Christian businessman whose company owns the Staples Center. 'We started talking red and blue,' Prince said. 'People with money—money like that—are not affected by the stock market, and they’re not freaking out over anything. They’re just watching. So here’s how it is: you’ve got the Republicans, and basically they want to live according to this.' He pointed to a Bible. 'But there’s the problem of interpretation, and you’ve got some churches, some people, basically doing things and saying it comes from here, but it doesn’t. And then on the opposite end of the spectrum you’ve got blue, you’ve got the Democrats, and they’re, like, 'You can do whatever you want.' Gay marriage, whatever. But neither of them is right.' When asked about his perspective on social issues—gay marriage, abortion—Prince tapped his Bible and said, 'God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, 'Enough.''"

Whoa, whoa, whoa hold up there little lady. If I go down the list the gayness that was your life up until whenever it was that you "got saved.". If I go down the list of the prime trim you were "sticking it wherever and doing whatever" to, Derek Jeter would blush. If I go down the list of your song titles, album covers, the whole androgynous thing that made you famous in the first place......oh your Purpleness the hypocrisy.
So as you thump your bible, remember we ALL saw your ass cheeks in that little yellow jumpsuit that was too gay even for the Ice Capades. We ALL heard "Get Off" and knew exactly what you were talking about. We ALL know that you wore more eye makeup than Tammy Faye Baker in her hey day and we know that wasn't just for us girls.
Flesh to the Devil, Bones to the Father. HE SAW YOU WITH THE YELLOW ASS PANTS TOO!

Friday, November 14, 2008

In WTF News Today...

LONDON - A British woman is divorcing her husband after discovering his online alter-ego was having an affair with a virtual woman in the fantasy world of Second Life, media reported on Friday. Amy Taylor, 28, said her three-year marriage to David Pollard, 40, came to an end when she twice walked in on him watching his online character, Dave Barmy, having sex with other virtual women. (MSNBC.COM)

I think this story "virtually" speaks for itself. Sorry, had to say that.
WTF is that all about? Does that mean that my Rock Band Career is officially over because I haven't toured all summer?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay....

In a recent interview Lindsay Lohan referred to President Elect Barack Obama as "our first colored President."

In Lindsay's defense, I watched the interview and I could barely understand ANYTHING she said. She looks like she hasn't slept in days, needs a bath and her makeup makes her look like a hooker that caters specially to clowns.
Fine, we can all slip. In a way all of us are indeed colored if you will. I am fair, you don't find that in the 64 Crayola box. But, if you have had the honor of being in a Roberto Cavalli dress and on the red carpet enough times, I know that you have at least 1 black friend that has corrected you when you have called them colored. Jeepers...

Even Now....

when the world is in the position that it is in, I am as busy as I am Mariah still manages to drive me insane. She tells the Daily Mirror:
"It's not that we had no intimacy, we just didn't have complete intimacy. It's just me, and my feelings. I definitely don't want to push it on anybody else. But we both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married. And it was, and it still is."

Bitch please. You are telling me a grown ass woman did not test drive that shit before she married it? She tried on 47 outfits during an episode of Cribs, yet she didn't ride the Cannon, until she actually married him?

Monday, November 10, 2008

GOP Goth Kids Hope Obama Dies.....really

I read this on a young Republicans' blog post:
When Kennedy was elected, the Irish were below the poverty line. Once he was assassinated, they rose above. History is the major lesson here. I am by no means a racist, but if Obama does get assassinated, history also shows us this:Following the assassination of Malcolm X (by no means a pacifist) there were violent riots.Following Martin Luther King Jrs assassination again there were violent riots & protests.Neither of these men were in such a high position as the one Obama is in now. If Obama does live out his term, the egoism & ignorance of the democratic party will propagate its vile brainwashing of our impressionable youth. If he is killed, he will be made a martyr and this will only reinforce their idiocy & strengthen their arrogant plight.There is no doubt there will be attempts (whether successful or not). And even if Obama makes it through the years, I know the end result will be more destructive than anything resulting from the Bush administration.

That is the most "hateful, I hope Obama gets assasinated, but not really because then he will be a martyr for the leftist cause" I have ever heard.
I was one of the many that obviously voted for Obama but I would never hope for an assasination if your guy had won.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Now That The Election Is Over

Oh and I finished my midterm for the class from hell which ironically is a Theology class, I can go back to writing about what I love.
I don't love to write about celebrities, but I love to write about their foibles.

But I do still love New Kids On The Block.
I wrote several months ago about my elation regarding the possibility of getting back together. Well they did.
I wrote that if they came in concert I would be there.
I was.
I also mentioned that if they did the concert I wanted them to "show me the goods then take them away", do the stupid dances, and embrace the estrogen that made them famous.
Oh yeah....they most certainly did. Thank you for the crotch grabbing Donnie. Usually I find that vulgar, but somehow you made that shit work.
Thank you, thank you, thank you sooooooooo much for doing this for us. From the moment they stepped on stage I lost my mind, I got lost in the music, I sang every song, and I danced like crazy. I also realized that this was the first time I was experiencing their music while drinking vodka, or being intoxicated in any way.....thank you for the bar that was right next to my section too. I got a backstage pass and I got meet Danny and take a picture with him. I was very disappointed that none of the other boys, sorry men were there....but still.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Take A Momemt.....

To thank who is really responsible for the landslide win of Barack Obama as President Elect of the United States: George W. Bush.
Such a poor representative of his party that there are no words better than these to describe it
"Bush was such a bad president that he had people thinking, ' you know what would be a good idea? a black guy with a Muslim name.'"
Bill Maher

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Tomorrow, history will be made.
At this point, people have either cast their votes, or are in line at this very moment. In one way, I want it to be over, I am sick of the arguing back and forth, but at the same time this has been the most exciting election in history and I am proud of the 2 and 1/2 hours I stood in line last week to vote early. Yeah, I'm proud but next year I will be smart....absentee ballot thank you.
Tomorrow, either we will have the first black President of the United States, or the first woman Vice President of the United States. I hope it is not that latter, but when you think of what it took for women to even get to vote in this country it is a huge leap. When you think about where blacks positions in this country just 40 years ago, it is amazing how far we have come.
Looking back, I can say one thing. I have yet to have any regrets regarding any of the Presidents I voted for. I am especially proud that I NEVER voted for George W. Bush. How many Republicans can say that today? I wonder how many people regret voting for him, especially those that have had a child die in a pointless war.
I have to study. I have to go. For those of you that read, thank you.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Do Have Time For This Though....

I have been watching the new Star Wars Clone Wars Cartoons. I love them. Anything animated will get my attention these days because sitcoms and reality TV are so stupid that they might as well be starring stick figures my nephew can draw.
But, I have this conundrum. It makes the story even more depressing to me because I am now emotionally involved with The Clones as individuals, that I know are going to turn around and MURDER my beloved Jedi.
Also, I am curious when they started inbreeding the clones because during The Clone Wars they are amazingly on point and by Episode IV we are obviously working with like the C Team of the clones which are the now Storm Troopers. What the hell happened?

I Don't Have Time

I don't have time to write. I am busy actually working, studying and really it seems petty at this time to pick on Jessica Simpson when there are so many serious matters going on.

The election. I am all a flutter to vote, even anticipating wearing my Obama pin and have someone call me a baby killer. Now that is exciting!!

Halloween. What am I going to dress up as? Slutty cat? Slutty pirate? Dead fairy? Yes that is a costume. I guess people didn't clap enough like they suggest you do in Peter Pan. Sorry Tink.

School. Long classes with a fascinating teacher. My books have not arrived yet and I'm spittin angry.

The fact that they handed out pepper spray to the ladies in my office. What exactly is going on in this area that I got this lovely gift.

How could Elite XC go bankrupt?

How can you make up a nickname for yourself like "Maverick" and think you can get away with that? I'm going to start calling myself.....oh let's say "Hottie Body God Damn" and let's see how long that shit works.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Now that Gov. Sarah Palin’s daughter has celebrated her 18th birthday, the GOP vice-presidential candidate says she’s hoping Bristol and fiancĂ© Levi Johnston – who are expecting a baby in December – will tie the knot well before the date next summer the young couple had been eyeing.
“Hopefully before that,” Sarah Palin tells PEOPLE in an Oct. 15 interview for the issue on newsstands this Friday. “Bristol turns 18 in a few days [Oct. 18]. That’s what we wanted her to wait for: 18, and a decision on her own about how she’s going to go forward, her and Levi, at this point.” (celebitchy.com)

So, 17 old enough to have sex, get pregnant and have a baby....18 age of reason and get married? If she had been a normal teenager she would have had sex with a condom on, never gotten pregnant and been dating somebody else like a normal 18 year old girl should. Instead she is being forced into a loveless marriage, much like Sarah Palin was at her daughter's age. That's the natural way, that's the right way.

4 years, 6 kids, and a billion years ago...

The National Enquirer claims to have the insider story on the start of Brad Pitt and Angelina’s relationship on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith in 2004. This comes right after Angelina admitted in a NY Times interview that she fell in love with Brad while they were making the film. Many people thought she was just stating the obvious while others were quick to point out that Brad was still married to Jennifer Aniston at the time and said it was insensitive to admit that she fell in love with Brad when he was a married man. (celebitchy.com)

Other burning issues, Earth is indeed flat.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Madge and Guy's Sad Tale

When you get the News from Perez, you know it's for reals...
Madonna’s friends and business associates have HAD ENOUGH with Guy Ritchie and his camp spreading lies and misinformation about the Queen of Pop….and they’re finally speaking out! PerezHilton.com just spoke exclusively to numerous people VERY close to Madonna. What you are about to read is the truth.
Insiders tell us…. When Guy Ritchie was first introduced to Madonna, by Sting & Trudie Styler, he had a very rich girlfriend by the name of Rebecca Green. Guy had a reputation of being a golddigger and he definitely lived up to that when he dumped his girlfriend of four years, Rebecca, for the much much richer Madonna. “For his entire marriage to M, Guy lived like a king,” one of our many close Madonna sources tell us. “He never spent a dime of his own money for their lifestyle or the children.” He never spent any money, even though he did have some money of his own. (celebitchy.com)

If it was the other way around, say a rich male entertainer and an attractive female independent film maker would this even be brought up? Would it be news? Would it matter if she had never spent a dime of her own money? Does this not seem as unfair and unbalanced as Fox News?
Of course he lived like a king, he was married to the queen. Why did him not spending any of his own money, during the course of their relationship not come out until now? Why should we think any less of him now? She deemed him well enough to be step father to her young daughter, but now she is using her PR people to tear him apart?
As for him "spreading lies" about her.....what have you heard him say? Nothing. Because despite not having made him sign a PRENUP, she did make him sign a SILENCE clause. So she can say whatever she wants about him, dress THEIR son in a Yankees jersey the week they announce their divorce (HI ALEX!!) and now talk about his not supporting their family.
Dignity and grace obviously does not come with age, a string tied around your wrist or how much yoga you do. Respecting someone with a bit of silence might be best at this time.
I know you are really bendy so try shoving your foot in your mouth for a while.

No Comprende

Comedian Sarah Silverman has attempted to export her off-kilter brand of humor to the U.K. - and so far, audiences would like to send her back to the U.S. Silverman was booed and received scathing reviews of her new act at London’s Hammersmith Apollo by fans who didn’t think her act was funny or long enough to justify the price tag of admission. (celebitchy.com)

So, the gist of the jive is that Sarah's humor does not translate well in the U.K. I don't really find her that funny either. But, the Brits are certainly acting a bit upper crust for the people that brought us Benny Hill.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Dear Beyonce,

I love your new song and video for "Single Ladies". But, I can't get the chorus out of my head no matter how much Death Metal I listen to. I'm sorry but you are going to suffer greatly for this.
"If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it"....second verse same as the verse...third verse same as the second and it goes on forever and ever and it is just as frightening as it sounds.


In Touch Magazine: Hef has moved on.
Holly: Yeah, Hef’s always looking for younger women. I’m 28 years old and I feel like I need something more in life, so that’s probably why he’s with some really young girls. They’re just looking to have fun, I guess. (celebitchy.com)

There is not a popsicles chance in hell this bitch is 28 years old.

Surprise. Madonna and Guy Are Getting Divorced

Took me a couple of days to get to this story, I'm busy ok? Everyone saw this coming unboubtedly which is why I did not rush to write about it but here is what has set me off. Madonna's brother, Christopher Ciccone, had this to say of his relationship with his ex brother in law.....
What was it about him that your sister loved? Ciccone: I really have no idea. I suppose I could have tried to stop her. But I always wanted to welcome those people whom Madonna let into her life. Whether it was Warren Beatty, Sean Penn or Carlos Leon. They were and are good friends of mine. Guy was the first who couldn’t bear how close Madonna and I were. He has a problem with gays. (celebitchy.com)

Guy had a problem with gays? He married Madonna. A gay icon. I'm talking beyond Liberace, Cher "GAY ICON!" I mean if you listen closely to Vogue backwards you clearly hear Little Richard saying "BE GAY WOOOH!" Maybe he just knew you were a dick.
It's a shame whenever a marriage breaks up, but it is even more of a shame when a brilliant woman like Madonna does not get her husband to sign a prenup. I bet this tour is her version of "Here My Dear" like Marvin Gaye did when he divorced his wife.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Kittens and Puppies? Oh My!!

So Heidi eats a couple tacos, stands next to her a-sexual boyfriend takes a few pictures and hilarity ensues.
Last month Heidi was saying that she wanted like 10 kids, some of them biological a bunch of them adopted, and added that she wanted “her own orphanage like Mother Teresa.” Her ever-present boyfriend, Spencer Montag, added that she wants “kittens and puppies,” and that he’s “fighting her [urges] every day.” (celebitchy.com)

Well first if they are having a baby, it is a miracle because Spencer is a dickless wonder. Second of they are having a baby, it is the antichrist. Fear not little one, the paparazzi are there to protect thee. Three....why does he have to fight her urge to have kittens and puppies? She should have kittens and puppies maybe she wouldn't want a baby so badly. Oh...you are using kittens and puppies as an analogy for babies? Well, the antichrist is born from a Jackal so maybe she might actually give birth to a dog or a cat? Wait...that's stupid. I hate you Spencer.

Evil Incarnate

Rebecca Long and her husband Jon Pomeroy are facing prison time after starving Pomeroy's 14-year-old daughter to a frail 48 pounds while isolating her from the rest of her family.
Rebecca Long claims her stepdaughter was unruly, and it was a constant "power struggle" to deal with her - so they starved her and tortured her. She was confined to her foul, dirty bedroom and fed scraps of toast and drops of water to wash it down with.(postchronicle.com)

My nephew is 5 years old, he is 4 ft tall, and I think he weighs about 60lbs, I think. He's a big kid piggy back rides are no longer fun for me. He does not like picking up his toys and his parents would call him unruly at times, but I don't think their power struggle is such that they would starve and torture him....not yet. Besides, he's way too crafty he would not be having that. He knows where the food is and how to open shit.
Enough about my little angel.
These "parents" Rebecca and Jon? Their punishment should be as unimaginable as what they did to this girl. I'm thinking Spanish Inquisition. To quote Marcellus Wallace "I'm gonna get medieval on your asses."
Once again, evil rears it's ugly head in this world in all shapes and forms. Truly horrifying.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Mr. Cranky Pants

Last week Andy Samberg did an impression of Mark Wahlberg that was pretty fucking funny. He was dead on because Mark doesn't really have that much character so I could just take a Boston accent and a scowl and I could do a decent impression.. Mr. Grumpy Gill's needless to say was not amused:

Someone showed it to me on YouTube. It wasn’t like Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin, that’s for sure. And “Saturday Night Live” hasn’t been funny for a long time. They’ve asked me to do the show a ton of times. I used to watch it when Eddie Murphy was there and Joe Piscopo and Bill Murray. I don’t even know who’s on the show now.(celebitchy.com)

God, this guy has like no funny bone. If they really would have mocked him like they did Sarah Palin, I am pretty sure Mr. Ripped Abs would still be upset that someone dare mock him in any shape or form. I will remind you sir....you dropped your pants at the drop of a dime not that long ago. Come on, come on, feel the vibration.



I don't know what this means.....but color me impressed. Welcome back! Anyways I'm wearing that to the office tomorrow. Very functional.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Gluttony Incarnate

AIG sent its executives to the coastal St. Regis resort south of Los Angeles even as the company tapped into an $85 billion loan from the government that it needed to stave off bankruptcy. The resort tab included $23,380 worth of spa treatments for AIG employees, according to invoices the resort turned over to the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.(msnbc.com)

What do you say to that?
Do you not want to beat them upside their heads with the 9 irons they were golfing with?

Do you not hope they die of dysentary after eating that shrimp cocktail at the gala dinner?

I know you guys are all exhausted from having to put up those theatrics these past few weeks and you may want a foot massage. But after you read something like this what you deserve is a foot in your pompous ass.
Did you ever see The Omen? I am not religious, but I believe in evil. And it is at that spa getting reflexology.

Things I Never Want To Hear

"Hugh Hefner is stabbing new kitty". (wwtdd.com)
That is disgusting and it's not true. This slang means his penis is doing some major damage on some sweet girls innocent quivering vagina. There is no stabbing with Mr. Hefner...come on Tyler.

The new Pink song "I'm A Rock Star"
Listened to it once because I actually really like Pink. It's the weakest form of song writing I have ever heard. It sounds like a complete joke, she even does a rasberry at the end as if to say "music is so shitty right now that I bet you I can make this crap and still get airplay." So, you have to listen to it at least once, then never again.

...starring Paris Hilton
I don't know what I was thinking but I saw a good hour of one of her movies last night. If you think she sucks in real life, this bitch is like whoa on film. There is a scene that she is wiping down a counter and she looks like she has never cleaned a thing in her life, the rag was quite puzzling to her. "Is it supposed to be a top? Why is it all wet?" Dear God, and hour of my life gone.

We don't have any tonic...
FUCK!! Well I guess we can make greyhounds

Monday, October 6, 2008

Men, Once Again Are Incredibly Gullible

This is a direct quote from one of my favorite websites WWTDD.COM
TV Side has said in the past that Holly was in it for the money and was looking around and flirting with other guys but was never expected to actually leave him. Over the last few weeks she has changed completely. She actually dumped Hef, face to face, last night. She has a condo in Santa Monica already and will be moving out of the mansion very soon.
Hef so far is taking the breakup well. And by that I mean he’s already stickin it to two new blond twins and they will move into the mansion in the coming weeks.
And good for him. That’s pretty much what I do after getting dumped too. Except, instead of having hot sex with young blond twins, I make a scarecrow of my ex and hang it from a tree with a knife in it and a note that says, YOU.

Listen up boys. I respect Hef just as much or more than you do. I respect him as a writer and entrepreneur and the all around genius that he is. But if you think that any, any of those bimbottes were there simply for manliness and sexual prowess that Hef has to offer, I beg to differ. I know men love women, will always love women and wish that their last breath could be taken on soft pillowy bosoms. But, if you think that he is "already stickin it to two new blond twins" then boys your dreams far surpass the Impossible Dream.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$- Matters to these women. Hef can give that by the truckloads.

SEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXX- Matters to these women. Sorry but, Hef at this point is wearing his jammies because well it's nappy time.

You are not fooling anybody grandpa and really nobody cares. When you see an old man with a young woman this gives guys hope. Not all men can be good looking/hot sex machines but they will be old one day. If you open that savings account now....you may be able to rent your own bimbottes one day.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Ill's of Being Famous

In a recent interview for OK Magazine Kim had this to say:
Q: How does it feel to be on TV everyday?
A: I look a lot bigger on TV. When I meet people, the first thing they say is, “Wow, you’re so much smaller than I thought.” I look about 15 pounds heavier. I’m only 115 pounds, and everyone thinks I’m like 130 or 140. It’s bizarre. I’m a size 2! (theskinnywebsite.com)

What? Nobody asked you that. They asked you what it was like to work on television. Your answer should have been " It sucks because I used to feel really confident about the way I looked and my curves until everybody started yelling that I am a fat ass."
Kim, if there is one thing you are is beautiful. Absolutely stunning. Don't let anybody tell you different. Just please spit out the gum.
Besides, everybody knows that whole 20 lbs thing on TV/Movies. "We can have Gump cavorting with dead presidents and a Jurassic summer but that 20 lb thing we don't understand."

Oh Usher

Usher is set to conquer the fashion world! He recently told WWD that he’s set to launch a men’s and women’s intimates collection.
“You may have heard that I might be launching a lingerie line for men and woman,” said the 29-year-old R&B singer, who had some of his designs were featured in his new “Trading Places” music video. “Comfort and intimacy is very important.” (justjared.com)

"Why no Usher, we have not heard that you might be launching a lingerie line for men and women. Mainly because men don't wear lingerie but I digress. Go on. You were making a shameless plug about....put your pants back on Usher. Yes, those look lovely on you...please put your pants back on. Why are you lifting your shirt again? Yes...I know amazing abs we have seen them.....ohhhhh. It's a man bra. Well thank you Mr. Raymond the interview is over."
He is right comfort and intimacy are important. I felt extremely uncomfortable in that intimate situation.

Bill Maher On The View

Lord, yes. Things came to a head at the end of Maher's segment, when Shepherd asked the skeptical Maher whether he had ever spoken with God. Needless to say, he had not, and when Shepherd replied that she had, Maher recommended a stint in Bellevue. As Whoopi Goldberg hurriedly threw the show to commercial, a grinning Elisabeth Hasselbeck clearly exulted in the fact that for once, she wasn't the controversial one. (defamer.com)

I understand the need for people to have religion in their life. But nobody likes a liar, especially God. So, don't lie Sheri. The last time I remember God speaking to anyone was in that lovely work of fiction called the Bible and you have no parts in that play.

Sara Palin

I reserved any judgement on this candidate until I actually learned something about her. I thought liberal journalists were taking a huge risk making fun of the fact that she was from Alaska and inexperienced. In that case take jabs at Obama for being black and "inexperienced" as well. Let's get to know her before we come out the gate making fun of her.
Well, it's been about 1 month and H-O-L-Y SHIT. This woman is the best thing to happen to the Democratic Party since Roosevelt. It's gotta be good/bad when there are already two skits starring Tina Fey on SNL that really are not even that far from what was actually said and what actually happened. Katie Couric had this woman fumbling over her words and looking down at some cheat sheets down by her knees. Katie Couric. I know she is a "serious journalist" now but we are talking Katie from The Today Show people. Not that long ago she was standing in Times Square with people from Kansas holding up signs that said "HI AL!" behind her. No offense to the folks from Kansas but you can understand what I'm saying.

I Never Meant To Cause You Any Sorrow

The Purple One has this to say
Talking about his determination, Prince told USA Today, “I did the Dirty Mind tour and pushed that envelope off the table. What I didn’t do, finished. I don’t want to go back. You have to get out of your own way.” He went on revealing the fact that he is a Jehovah’s Witness advocate has also contributed to his decision. Giving credit to the bible, which he often reads, Prince furthermore remarked “that’s another way faith has changed me.”
The hit maker openly admitted he no longer wants to write songs with lusty lyrics and perform dirty dancing on-stage because he does not want to offend his fans, who as time goes by have grown up and had children. (celebitchy.com)

Ok. I can respect that. Fine you don't want to do splits, wear assless pants, a rediculous amount of eye makeup, hair product and high heels and all that. But, I saw Purple Rain twice last week and sir I don't care if they beat you with that bible until your teeny ass is as purple as that motorcycle you rode throughout the film, you are never going to wash away those sins in Jehova's eyes, and that's a good thing. The bravado and all around showmanship you had at that time is part of who you are.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Things That Make You Go EWWW...

Adnan Ghalib, the shutterbug and former flame who infamously dated Brit during her breakdown, told Heat magazine, “There is such a tape, but I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical enquiries. Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further.”
The alleged adult footage, which was filmed in Mexico, runs about two hours and features the singer wearing nothing but a pink wig, an unconfirmed source tells Britain’s The Sun newspaper.
Doesn't it though? You are kinda like eww, don't wanna see that. You know this was at her "peak" of batshit so watching her do anything for two hours would be disturbing. He is ugly, she was all cracked out with a wig on....who the hell wants to see that?
BTW, I saw a lil' piece of Kim Kardashian's sex tape. Finally, I am so late for that ship. Anyways, she is chewing gum the whole time. It's not even in the back of her mouth amongst her teeth and tounge where gum usually is, it is at the tip of her tounge with her mouth open. WTF is that about Kim? Gum and sex do not go well together. It's sticky, you're stupid and things can go very badly, very quickly. How do you go to the emergency for that?

Men I Love

1. John Dorian MD
Vulnerable, sweet, intelligent, super geeky, immeasurable love for his friends. Sucker for the vulnerable geeky thing. On celluloid only, this does not transfer well into real life.

2. Ari Gold
I know people are always talking about what a jerk Jeremy Piven is. I really don't care. Ari might be a potty mouth of biblical proportions, but his cursing is like prose. He showers his wife and family with love and is able to seperate the two. And damn he wears that suit.

3. Dr. Cox
Oh Dr. Cox....where do I begin? I wonder if you are reeee-eeee-eeeallly upset that the show House essentially took your character and centered it around you, but you use a cane. I love your rants, I love your hair, I love how much you love Jordan, I love how much you love Jack, I love your jersey, I love that face you make when you drink scotch. I love the way you stand there with your hands crossed over your head saying "up yours Bob-o."

4. John Travolta
You guys can kiss my ass. I saw Hairspray the other day and dammit if I didn't love those cankles. Royal with cheese...

5. Ozone from Breakin'
Watched Breakin' last night and I swear no one can make cut off day glo, leather cuffs, what I think is a shark tooth earring look so manly/sexy. He wore this to court by the way so you can only imagine what he wears on a "casual" day.

6. Ryan Reynolds
Very funny, devastatingly handsome, abs carved from marble and now married to S. Jo. Nuff said.

7. Barack Obama
On the off chance you do not become the President, I have this to say. You are one smooooothe cat. You look at ease and when you say 10 year plan I am elated you may be the man to take us through those 10 years.

8. Stranger that actually let me into his lane this morning despite the heavy traffic
Thank you kind stranger. I gave you the wave and all that but I still do not feel it was enough.

9. Seth McFarlane
You are one funny son of a bitch. Only you can make a line like "ruined my evening" funny as hell, or a "get yo' fat ass back here" from a pedophile delicious.

10. George Lucas
I've sais this already....but there is no list without him.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I Hate Grey's Anatomy. Officially

I go to certain websites to find my "news". There are these quotes everywhere. Little nuggets of wisdom you can put on a bumper sticker or a coffee mug like "You're my person." Or my personal favorite, "It's like candy, but with blood which is so much better." Come to find out you can click on these things and find your favorite moments from Grey's Anatomy. What the fuck does "you're my person." mean? Is it anything like "I am so your bitch"? That one is not on there, that's mine. A little Daria Anatomy for your ass.


“[He was] teaching me how to cut and eat steak, which was a mystery to me at age 4; how to stick the fork in and cut behind it, and that was how you got a piece in your mouth,” writes Sean, 32, whose mom is Yoko Ono. “I think it was that night when he got very upset with me, I think because of something I did very cheekily with the steak. He did wind up yelling at me very, very loudly to the point where he damaged my ear, and I had to go to the hospital.” (celebitchy.com)

Are you sure it wasn't your mother's "singing"? Has anyone really listened to the shriekings of Yoko Ono and not gone deaf...or at least wish they had? Seriously, every Christmas when they play that "So This Is Christmas" song and I hear that woman in the background I am tick tocking the hours for New Years.

Uh Doy News....

People.com has posted the details of their semi-surprising cover story on Clay Aiken’s admission that he’s gay. The 29 year-old singer has finally put to rest rumors about his sexuality by admitting that he’s of the other persuasion and doesn’t want to hide it anymore. Aiken had a child, a baby boy, with an older female friend about six weeks ago. Parker Foster Aiken was conceived by in vitro fertilization and is being raised by Clay and the baby’s mother, music producer Jaymes Foster. (celebitchy.com)

Also burning issues, tricks are indeed for kids.

Friday, September 19, 2008

This Seems To Be The Week Of Oversharing

“To be my man, you have to put up with a lot,” said the singer. “I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC’s.”
You are in NY and Tony isn’t. Will you speak with him tonight?We fall asleep together every night - I put the phone on my pillow. We will pray together tonight. (celebitchy.com)

Does this bitch EVER shutup? You fart in bed? Fantastic Jessica. You can belch the ABC's? I'm just happy she knows there's an alphabet.
"I put the phone on my pillow. We will pray together tonight." What are you 15? I'm sorry but at this point even Jesus is annoyed by you and Tony. Your prayers would be better served if you at least tried doing that on your own.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Megan Fox Is A Genius

Fox - “Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I was there all the time—I would go there by myself. I bought her things—perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man. I felt like I had this need to save Nikita. I’d get lap dances so I could get to know her, and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration—like You can do it, you’re better than this! I didn’t want her to be there.”GQ - How long did it go on?Fox - “Not very long. You know when you’re pushing something and it escalates much too rapidly and it explodes after only two weeks?” (wwtdd.com)

Ok this chick is brilliant. Seriously she has done 1 movie and she is a household name. For what? For being the hottest piece of ass on the planet. Think early Angelina Jolie but sluttier and not as talented. Tatoo's? On it. Big poofy lips? Check. Lesbian trysts? Done!
This is how it's done Aubrey....I'm still kinda skeeved out.

Get Out Your Hand Sanitizer

This is just a portion of the interview with Aubrey from Danity Kane
Aubrey O’Day: If I have to be ridiculed and called a whore and the party animal and the dumb girl for the rest of my career, I’m OK with that. Because I love who I am. You’re going to have to interpret me however you’re going to interpret me.
Good answer. So when people hear you’re best friends with Jenna Jameson, they think—Aubrey O’Day: —I’m going to do sex tapes and porn. Jenna and I never even talk about porn. I think one time Jenna and I had a conversation about having sex on your period.
Oh, running a red light?Aubrey O’Day: Yeah. There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna for advice and she’s like, “Honey, it’s just a little war paint, who cares?”
Is this an uncomfortable subject?Aubrey O’Day: Oh, it’s fine. I love talking about my period.
You seem to like to talk about sex.Aubrey O’Day: I love porn.
You love watching it?Aubrey O’Day: Totally. I watch YouPorn.
Do you have a favorite star?Aubrey O’Day: Jenna Jameson, obviously.
Is it weird watching your BFF?Aubrey O’Day: I watched her before she was my BFF, I don’t watch her anymore. I was actually masturbating one night to, like, Anal Sex Compilation #3 or whatever, and she was in it and I was like, “Oh no!” I had to turn it off. It was horrible.
Guys are always curious about girls and porn.
Aubrey O’Day: I usually watch black guys doing white girls, that’s my little fetish, even though in real life race isn’t a factor for me. Really, I’m more turned on by watching the girls than the guys. I love someone who looks like they’re really into sex.
[Complex Magazine via D-Listed]

What? What the hell happened to you Aubrey? Are you on drugs? Is the bleach and the glue you have on your head making you insane? When you said "do you got a first aid kit handy?" I thought you meant because of your broken heart, not your menses. Running a red light? Ok that is kinda funny, but please keep that shit to yourself ya' nasty skank.
Less is more...ever heard of that? "I was masturbating one night to like, Anal Sex Compilation #3 or whatever?" Holy shit!! I didn't even know they had a part 1 and 2.

Monday, September 15, 2008

And Herein Lies The Third Rung Of Hell

Hilary Duff has just dropped the first single from her upcoming Greatest Hits album.
It's a song called Reach Out, and it features a sizeable sample from Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus. (perezhilton.com)

WTF? This is painful. Hillary Duff sampled Depeche Mode? Is nothing sacred? This...this is sacred. I want to know who signed off on this one because....because...well it's just fuckin' wrong. If Selena Gomez uses a Smith's beat, or Miley Cyrus does a "remake" of Bauhaus' I will bite them..... I'm getting all hot under my ruffly collar.
You guys know what I'm talking about.....ugh.

Greed Is....Good?

This year will mark the last season for FX's acclaimed Nip/Tuck.
Now, there's just one lil' problem - and it's quite big actually. The network has to negotiate the actors' salaries for this final season - and they want a big payday!
Currently, salary talks have been ongoing for weeks with the stars of the show.
During Season 5, last year, Julian McMahon and Dylan Walsh were each making around $125,000 each per episode. Fellow co-star Joely Richardson was making about $100,000. (perezhilton.com)

Exactly when will people get their heads out of their asses? How much money is enough? Yes, Nip/Tuck is a fairly good show. Are you enriching lives in ANY way? Who do you think you are? REAL plastic surgeons? Now those guys make the world a better place. They give us poofy lips, symmetrical D cup breasts and make fat juicy asses out of the unsavory fat you find in back fat. What do you guys do? You read off the prompter and ask me every week "What is it you don't like about yourself?" Then you make me cry. Damn back fat...

The Great Gig In The Sky

One of the founding members of Pink Floyd, Richard Wright (above right), died Monday at his home in Britain after a long battle with cancer. (Perezhilton.com)

I never got to actually SEE you perform, but I definetly FELT your presence in every note if you get my gist. Shine On....

I Love Bill Maher

Karl Rove described Obama as - quote - "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and making snide comments about everyone who passes by." Unlike George Bush, who is the guy at the country club who makes snide comments and then passes out. (hbo.com)

Thank you for coming back and tucking me in on Friday nights with little nuggets of wisdom like this one. You make the world a better place and politics much more palatable.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Lil' Wayne Is Hiding Something...

"When Lil' Wayne showed up to perform in the show - and he showed up on time - he was carrying a bag and refused, point blank, to go through security. Everyone else - including Rihanna, Chris Brown, Beyoncé, Justin Timberlake and Kid Rock - went through security, and we couldn't make an exception. He's obviously not a Boy Scout and has a history with drugs and guns.
But he wouldn't budge and refused to have his bag searched or have a security wand passed over him. Then he started getting abusive: 'I don't need your [bleeping] show - I'm leaving if you make me do this.' So he had to leave, I mean, who knows what was in that bag? (celebitchy.com)

Call me old fashioned, but when I see a tattoo on a forehead I automatically think Manson Family, which makes me think unstable and maybe even psychotic. Therefore, you and your little band of miscreants can shake your asses home if you are not down with a procedure put in place to keep everyone, yes even you shortstack, safe.

Body Oddities

I came upon an article on msn.com, which I cannot find for the life of me right now. With this title, Body Oddities. I thought it was going to talk about disfigured people or maybe even hermaphrodites. Instead what I find is a guy that lives his life like a tiger. He has tiger stripe tattoos all over his body including his face and has even had his teeth sharpened to what I guess could best be described to be fangs.
Also in this article is what I suppose would be lizard or snake guy? He has completly covered his body in green scale like tattoos, has had some type of implants to his forehead to make him look even more like an idiot, sorry snake. He has even had his tounge surgically forked, again to look more like an idiot, sorry snake.
To this I say what the fuck is wrong with you? Under any other circumstances these people would have been given some tranquilizers and ordered to stop reading Dr. Seuss Books. There are real people, who are truly human oddities, like conjoined twins or people who are literally born with 1/2 a body. There are people who are disfigured, burned, and have to live with these scars....and you are doing this to yourself? On purpose?
You are not a body oddity. You are a self mutilating fool. If you were not so proud of this I would feel sorry for you.

Bold Statement

Mariah Carey is leaving manager Benny Medina after hearing rumors that he’s courting his former client, and her nemesis, Jennifer Lopez. If Carey does walk it will be Medina’s third major loss of the year. Tyra Banks and Usher recently left him. (justjared.com)

Nemesis? Jennifer Lopez is Mariah Carey's nemesis? Can you just arbitrarily make up an argument with someone and call them your nemesis? Alright then my nemesis is that jackass that works the bridge on my way to work. That evil fiend makes me late to work every morning. One day, one day soon I shall have my revenge! (Insert evil laugh here)

Dear Jonas Brothers...

Purity Rings + Ascots= Gay

Dear Miley Cyrus
Purity Rings + Slutty Pictures= Liar

That's it.
I'm not saying you need to have sex, wait as long as you want to or as long as you can. Whichever comes first. But when you make it seem like your losing your virginity is the end all be all of a relationship....well you end up like Jessica Simpson. Divorced at 25 still waiting for your knight in shining armor to sweep you onto his white horse. Watch Snow White as an adult and you just want to kill yourself.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Reception Part 2

I sit at my desk minding my own business when "The Weirdo" walks in. I say "hello, who is the the food for?" I ask him NICELY to please sit down they will be right with you. He of course does not sit, simply stands on the other side of my desk. I try to ignore him, but he says
"I thought I would never see you again." I ask why.
He says "well because I haven't seen you." Well, I've been here I reply.
He says "I haven't seen you in 32 days." How do you know that? Were you on vacation for a month or something? "No, I just know how long it's been since I've seen you."
OK. At this point "The Weirdo" became " The Stalker". I had never found out how he had gotten my personal email a few months ago because it freaked me out. But now he tells me he has counted the days since he last saw me.....sitting at my desk at work.
I start to worry that I am going to come home one night and find this guy sitting on my porch, sucking his thumb wearing a Hannibal Lecter Mask. I don't know how he would suck his thumb through it....but this is of no concequence because this makes no sense anyways.

This Makes Me Weep

Tom Brady will miss the entire season with a left knee injury that needs surgery, leaving the New England Patriots without one of the game's great quarterbacks and severely damaging their hopes of a return trip to the Super Bowl. (foxsports.com)

Tommy....oh Tommy. I can't remember the last time I felt so devastated as when I watched you limp off the field on Sunday. I pray your lady holds you tight and makes everything alright.

Friday, September 5, 2008

This Is Sad.

Rumer Willis blames her father Bruce for her angular jaw. The 20-year-old star - the daughter of ‘Die Hard 4.0′ star Bruce and his ex-wife Demi Moore - can’t stand her unusually large chin, and thinks she inherited it from her dad.
She said: “People tell me all the time that I look my mom. I see the resemblance, sometimes. There was a picture in a magazine about look-a-like mothers and daughters and I saw that I looked exactly like her - which is great.
“I hate my jaw. I don’t know if it’s my dad’s - I think I’m more like my mother, my littlest sister looks exactly like my dad and my middle sister is a mixture of the two.” (celebitchy.com)

I did not even read whatever commentary was attached to this because I know that is it probably rude, talks about nepotism and lookism and all that is evil. I will say this, the only reason she is even addressing this is becasue there are endless articles going into Rumer's jaw, jawline, face, hair, body and really it is sickening. In a normal world she would not be broken down into pieces, but in this one she is.
Rumer, you are still a kid. Do not let cruel people scrutinize you into pointing out imperfections your parents passed down to you.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


When I write about people like Puff Daddy, Mariah Carey or hell any marginally talented actress/singer/rapper it is really because I'm envious. There is a piece of me that is truly envious of people with that sense of delusion that have no qualms about proclaiming their greatness for all to hear while their faults are clearly on display for those of us that live in the real world.
I mean here I am going to the gym, drinking water and eating cottage cheese at the point of a border line psychosis just to look average and still have major issues over this little bulge here, or that little bulge there. Then I have someone like Snoop Dogg, which no disrespect Snoop may just be the suavest mo fo on the planet, but he must be high when he is referring to a Sexual Seduction. When Diddy keeps repeating of his greatness when clearly he is of average, well everything. When I see girls that clearly should not be wearing that, whatever it is they chose to wear, let's say that tubetop, or that eye makeup, or shit both. I'm envious of that I don't give a fuck, this right here is the shit attitude because I did not get that gene. I was too busy waiting in line for good vocabulary, punctuality and occasional good natured attitude.
I need a vodka tonic, this is bullshit.


For the first time, scientists have proven that "beer goggles" are real — other people really do look more attractive to us if we have been drinking.
Surprisingly, the beer goggles effect was not limited to just the opposite sex among the ostensibly straight volunteers recruited for the study — they also rated people from their own sex as more attractive. (MSNBC.COM)

Ok, this has to be the most pointless scientific discovery of the 21st century. Fuckin' duh. The only reason those scientists had to recreate this phenomenon in a lab is because they have never actually been at a bar or a club around 2am. Basically they do not know the meaning of last call.

Yeah, this will definetly work

Anti-Scientology crusaders say they will sit silently among the audience at the Gerard Schoenfeld Theatre wearing masks of British Catholic revolutionary Guy Fawkes.
A rep for Anonymous tells The Sun: “We aren’t looking to shut All My Sons down. We don’t have the power to do that – we just want to prove a point. We just want to save Katie. We want to draw attention to Scientology, and hopefully get Katie out of it before it’s too late.” (justjared.com)

Guys, we appreciate the effort to "save" Katie but I think that ship has sailed. She has a kid, she is living in a mansion monitoring thetons or whatever, hasn't cracked a smile in months...please kiss Joey goodbye. Somehow I think wearing the masks worn in V For Vendetta, while you sit quietly in the audience is not going to work. Nor should it be allowed. It's not like they are going to let me sit in there with my Michael Myers mask on to remind people of the silent killer that is Scientology.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

"In A World"....Movie Announcer Dies

Voiceover legend Don LaFontaine passed away on Monday. He was 68 years old. (perezhilton.com)

"In A World".....or "In A Town"....and then Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, or Tommy Lee Jones will do something followed by an explosion.
This is just awful. Who is going to do this job now? I mean, this man's voice managed to make every single movie preview sound interesting. RIP sir, I hope your afterlife is as exciting as you made Rush Hour 3 sound.


This week McCain announced his running mate would be a woman, Sarah Palin the Governor of Alaska. Some call the choice reckless by the "Maverick" Republican Candidate. I call it what it is, kinda ballsy. Personally I feel no connection with this woman. Am I supposed to simply because she has ovaries? I can see what he is trying to do.
Unfortunately the amount of hipococracy involved in a political career move such as this is staggering. She was not chosen because she is the best for the job, it is simply because she is a woman. I predict the older generation will be staying home on Super Tuesday. The good ol' boys will be hard pressed to vote for the black guy or now for that lil' lady. Hopefully younger voters will come out and shout what they want for the future, no matter what their choice is. If you think the politicians suck, they are what we have chosen. They are the "elite" of what sucks if you will.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Mariah She's on Fiah....

My favorite blonde bimbos are getting into trouble today. I don't know who the evil genius is that created this video but if there is a God, we will be friends one day.
I don't even have to add anything to it.


I Hate To Pick On Her Again, But Dang...

Jessica Simpson is on the cover of People Magazine this week talking about herself again. About life and love and losing....again!
On finding her true love: “I just told him today, ‘You’re the love of my life.’ I don’t really ever say that to anybody.”
On changing her cell phone number and e-mail address to cut off any potential communication from her exes: “I don’t want anybody that’s been in my life [before] in my life anymore. I don’t even want them to have any way of contacting me.”
On her relationship with John Mayer, which began in 2006 and fizzled out last summer: “I had to regain self-esteem and self-value.” (justjared.com)

"You're the love of my life. I don't really say that to anybody." Um, yeah because you're not suppsed to say that to anyone....except the love of your life. If you went around saying that to let's say your brother in law that would be weird.

"I don't want anybody that's been in my life before in my life anymore." Again, do you mean those former loves of your life or family members because they were in your life before as well? BTW, I'm pretty sure I could find Jessica Simpson if I really wanted to. She lives somewhere in between of a pilates class and a rib joint...at all times. I hang out there a lot too actually. See you tomorrow Jes!

Daddy Yankee

My mother informed me yesterday that Daddy Yankee is supporting John McCain in his bid for the presidency. To which I replied "who is Daddy Yankee?" So I did some research and I found out that he is that reggaeton guy who sings that song Gasolina. I don't like that music, I know what it is because the played it ad nauseum on the radio. I wear black nailpolish in a non-ironic way, my mother doesn't know me at all basically.
So armed with this information I tell my mother. "You mean the Gasolina guy is voting for McCain?! Consider this card carrying Democrat's heart officially converted!" What a positive step in the McCain campaign to win the minds of young people....having Daddy Yankee on your side.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Poor Diddy

He said: “Gas prices are too ****** ******* high. As you know, I do own my own jet and I have been having flying back and forth to LA pursuing my acting career.
“Now, if I’m flying back and forth, like, twice in a month that’s like $200,000 or $250,000 round trip. **** that. I’m back on American Airlines right now, OK.
Laughing into the camera, he said: “Check this out, your boy Diddy right now is on American Airlines. Look.
“I want to give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil, if you could all please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it.
“But right now, can you believe it, I am actually flying commercial. That’s how high gas prices are ok, so I feel you. Look, I’m at the gate right now.
“This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it, so tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down.” (celebitchy.com)

I find it difficult to feel sorry for anyone who owns their own jet. I find it abominable that this jerkoff is complaing about gas prices for his jet. I find it reprehensibe that he puts it in his little vlog throwing a bitch fit at the gate to prove to us "I feel you." Don't hurt your back as you stoop so low. "This is proof that gas prices are too high", that I Poof Daddy have to fly commercial with the pee on's. Makes me sick....
"I want to give shout out to all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil please send me oil for my jet." I mean, he is really under the impression that he is incredibly cool and witty but he doesn't realize that he is making me ga-vomit right now. (Gagging and vomiting at the same time.)

My Trunk

The trunk of my car speaks volumes about who I am. In it I have,
1- Combat boots...you never know

2- Star Wars Trivial Pursuit...because one day we are going to play

3- Samurai swords from our Halloween costumes from like 4 years ago when we were the Crazy 88's

4- Books from the Fall Semester....last year.

I Hate...

The fact that I have been up since 3am

People I work with that I believe have an IQ of 73

That I found a bug crawling around in my gym bag. What the hell are you doing in there? I don't even feel like working out today.

That my face is so shiny in pictures

How much I love carbs

Movies like Disaster Movie. What happened to Carmen Electra that she thinks this is a good idea?

That I missed My So Called Life when it was on TV. I am forced to watch it on Youtube.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Deep Thoughts by Kate Moss

“I was never anorexic, so I was never that skinny,” she tells September’s Interview. “I was never bony-bony. But I remember thinking, ‘I don’t want to be this skinny.’” She says when she was “doing shows and flying economy … nobody ever fed me." (celebitchy.com)

She's telling the truth. She wasn't anorexic....she was a drug addict.
She was never "bony bony"? She is what made that look popular. That walking dead, heroine chic look. Before that models had boobs.
And what does she mean "nobody ever fed me"? Just because you weigh as much as an infant does not mean that someone has to literally feed you. Did she not understand the concept of food by the time she was 19? That is an unclassified eating disorder.

Ixnay on the Hitler/Ghandi Comparisons

Amid a four-act show at Cardiff’s packed Millennium Stadium, a video interlude carried images of destruction, global warming, Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler, Zimbabwe’s authoritarian President Robert Mugabe — and U.S. Senator John McCain. Another sequence, shown later, pictured slain Beatle John Lennon, followed by climate activist Al Gore, Mahatma Gandhi and finally McCain’s Democratic rival Barack Obama. (celebitchy.com)

Shhhh. No. You are pretty much not allowed to compare anyone to Hitler. Unless they are trying to create a world of super humans by exterminating everyone else on the planet. You are also not allowed to compare anyone to Gandhi. Unless they are a peaceful leader who puts his life in peril by starving himself to prove a point to their oppressive government. I love you Madge, but whatever your political affiliations sing "Where's The Party" and do what you do best, be Madonna. That is like when everyone was saying "Oh Britney is the next Madonna!' Look at what happened when people expect too much.

S. Jo

"How does it feel to be considered a sex symbol? It’s really nice when people, especially ones I don’t even know, come up to tell me that I’m sexy. It makes me feel really nice and cheerful. I would imagine everyone would react this way." (celebitchy.com)

That's pretty much how I react when strangers come up to me and tell me I'm sexy. Actually no. My reaction is pretty much terror, spray stalker in eyes with mace and run like hell.


Reception. To receive warmly in a businesslike manner. That is my job. Sitting, looking pretty, being kind to those who walk through these doors, elevators whatever. The monotony is staggering. If I hear one more time from that guy in Office Services tell me "u already pretty baby" when he catches me reapplying lipstick I think I will scream. If that temp (that has been here for three years) says "over the river and through the woods" as he is leaving one more time....I am going to lose it. If I have one more rude person call this desk asking me who I am and who called them.... the answer is going to go from "I'm sorry. We have about 75 people working here and unless you give me someone's name I really can't help you."...to " Jesus Fuckin’ Christ, if it was an emergency they would have left your ass a message with their fucking name on it and I wouldn't need to be running down a list of all the people you know that may have worked in some type of office setting!" Now for the delivery people, messengers, lowlifes that are entitled entrance to this building because you have a pizza, package, sandwich, envelope listen to me now. If there are chairs, those are for you to sit in while the person whose name is on that ticket comes out to bring their money or package. Hovering over my desk, reading my emails, or just because you feel like looking at me is not going to make them move any faster or my job any more pleasant , please sit your ass down. If you are waiting to pick up a package from said person, staring at me is not going to make it fly out of my forehead.

Friday, August 22, 2008

David Blaine Is The Devil

Daredevil DAVID BLAINE is preparing for a dizzying new stunt - he will hang upside down above New York’s Central Park for three days and two nights.
The illusionist will be deprived of food as he is suspended six storeys up on a highwire for his Dive of Death, which will be filmed to air on U.S. TV on 24 September (08).
He will even be forced to sleep upside down.
And members of the public will be invited to interract with the 35 year old. (celebitchy.com)

How does this guy make money? Is he a professional loiterer, hobo what? I don't see the "magic" in what he does. You and Mindfreak Cris Angel....what the hell is going on? I think there is some selling your soul to the devil type shit going on here. You guys should get together and do Vegas. I would enjoy your "art" much more if you were taming a robotic dragon while you are trying to freak me out with your street leviation and such.
FYI- Roy used to ride the robotic dragon in the show before "the incident." Now that was magic!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Better Than Heroin Hero I Guess

Meet 16-year-old Blake Peebles. He quit high school to pursue his dreams of becoming a professional Guitar Hero player. Yes, the video game. Yes, he wants to make a career out of pushing shiny, plastic buttons. No, Blake doesn't know how to play a real guitar. (dlisted.com)

I confess, I enjoy playing Guitar Hero more than someone my age should. But, I cannot imagine back in my Frogger playing days that my mom would have let me quit school to go on to become a professional Fogger player no matter how lucrative this may have seemed at the time. A fad is a fad, a game is a game, a diploma is well a piece of paper but an important piece of paper.

Kiss My Converse!!

Somebody better find Leroy Green! The shogun of Harlem, Sho'Nuff has passed away.TMZ's very favorite cult villain of all time, Julius Carry III, died last night. Details of his death are very limited as of right now. It was first reported by mediatakeout.com. Carry was 56. (tmz.com)

Anyone remember that flick that was the adventure "The Last Dragon"? Starring Vanity and um....that kid with the overly moist Michael Jackson hair? Soundtrack included El' Debarge....you know "to the beat of the rhythm of the night!"? No? Well, the bad guy from that movie died.
Sigh....jokes totally lost on an entire generation.

Deep Thoughts by Heidi...Montag? Is that her name?

"A lot of miracles have happened in my life to take me here, and to me, the reason why we’re all on this earth is for God, and that’s the way I live my life. (perezhilton.com)

You can say that again. I don't even know how this girl ends up in her house at the end of the day, so now I know. It is a miracle. Oh and hot pants, hot pants and plastic surgery "got her here."

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Don't Be Hatin...

Robert Downey Jr (Iron Man) on Batman...
"My whole thing is that that I saw 'The Dark Knight'. I feel like I'm dumb because I feel like I don't get how many things that are so smart. It's like a Ferrari engine of storytelling and script writing and I'm like, 'That's not my idea of what I want to see in a movie.' I loved 'The Prestige' but didn't understand 'The Dark Knight'. Didn't get it, still can't tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character and in the end they need him to be a bad guy. I'm like, 'I get it. This is so high brow and so f–king smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie.' You know what? F-ck DC comics. That's all I have to say and that's where I'm really coming from."
I don't know where this angry tirade came from. It is a comic book movie. You flew in your movie too with a suit you made yourself, you are both self loathing billionares. I just don't understand the animosity. It is a comic book character. Children will be dressing up like both Iron Man and Batman this Halloween. Your movie was good too Robert, don't cry.


Cats, dogs, pollen, and conceit. Seriously, it doesn't matter if it is in celluloid or right in front of me. I have had violent sneezing attacks about four times this week whenever there was the slightest hint of arrogance near me. It went something like "oh I'm too handsome for that shit"...violent sneezing fit. It was in gest, but I am allergic nonethless. Then I watched Michael Douglas in Romancing The Stone...violent sneezing fit. This cannot be a coincidence.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Madge's Bday

Madonna has it on very high authority that she is, in fact, 36.
Not only that, but the grand lady of pop has slapped a gagging order on anyone whispering the number… shhh… 50 at her star-studded celebrations tomorrow.
Guests at her country pile are under strict instructions not to give any cards, cakes or presents bearing the number 50 or face the wrath of the muscle-bound Material Girl.
But how could we have got it so wrong?
Well, using ancient techniques known only to a select few, the high priests of Kabbalah have calculated her spiritual age by channelling the energy of the poptastic one. And it’s, um, 36.
How convenient.
So does that mean that in 1994 she was actually 22? (celebitchy.com)

If you reallllllly think about it, she should be 107 not 36. She has had reincarnated her career several times. Changed her look, her sound, her disposition, her overall aura about 347 times so her soul should be at least over 100.
My soul would be about 7. I haven't changed all that much. I haven't gone from legwarmers and back again yet.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


Being the door whore at my job I receive packages here at reception. Most of the time they work related, sometimes personal packages for my fellow employees. Personal packages range from Victorias' Secret, to plain old Target packages.
Yesterday a fellow employee, who shall remain nameless, received a package from Spanx. You ladies have heard of Spanx right? It is basically a girdle with a sexy name. Being that they are a girdle and are supposed to suck in your gutt, butt, whatever problem area you may have, there should be some discretion involved when shipping their product. Well, Spanx knows that, so why would they mail their packages with a big ol' sticker pink sticker that says "THANKS FOR ORDERING FROM SPANX!" with the logo on a plain brown box? It is not the smartest marketing ploy. Also, if someone who is not aware of what a Spanx is, they may see that sticker and believe it to be a much naughtier product than it already is. My beloved calls them what they are....LIES!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My Job

I am what you would consider the "door whore" of my job. I am a receptionist for a good portion of my day. It entails greeting clients, signing for packages, ordering food and looking pretty. I can do all those things in a decent fashion.
Recently they installed a security system that locks all the doors that enter the office areas. All the doors around me. Is reception locked? No. Anyone can come up that elevator and basically take a dump in the waiting room area which has a lovely view of the city. What is it that they think is going to happen in my work space that all the doors have to be locked in my perimeter to protect the employees? I again have no protection. Oh, I have a security button under my desk which buzzes security.....in NY. I am in Miami.

Again, eww

An excerpt from another revealing/disgusting interview with Diddy with New York Magazine:
So what if there were a new Olympic sport, something he himself might have a chance of winning, we asked. What would that be? “Who could have sex the longest,” he told us in a soft voice and with a straight face, while looking into our eyes. Was that a pick-up line? We weren’t sure, but we tingled anyway. “I think that’s an event I can do well in. And probably who could stay up the longest.” Dirty!
“Just so you know, that’s supposed to be funny,” he added as an afterthought. “Even though I am serious.” But who would be his competitors? “Whoever’s up for the challenge.” You heard him, folks! Any sex athletes out there willing to challenge the Diddy? (celebitchy.com)

If I had to make a list of revolting things Diddy has collectively said over the years it would be a very long, long, loooong list. I always thought that with age came wisdom, this adage obviously does not apply to this delusional bastard.
Boasting about your sexual prowess convinces me of nothing except that once again you are trying desperately trying to remind us of your greatness. BTW, just because you can stay hard and have jack rabbit sex (pound, pound, pound, pound) does not make you great in bed. One of the seven mothers of your children could have told you that.

Amen Sister....

Sexy R&B star CASSIE had her nipples pierced to help her keep breast cancer at bay. The pretty 22 year old’s mother is a two-time breast cancer survivor and the singer was recently tested to make sure she was free of the disease. After the check-up, Cassie had her nipples pierced in a bid to show cancer she was a fighter. She says, “I got my piercings before I got my results, like positive energy… I think it’s sexy. I’m proud of them.” But she admits the decision to get pierced would have backfired on her if medics found the cancer gene. Cassie adds, “I’m sitting there with my parents, my mom’s sobbing after she finds out that I don’t have the gene, and I’m like, `Guess what, mom and dad, I got my nipples pierced.’ “It was nerve-racking because I was like, `My mom’s going to kill me if I have this gene and I got these things.’” (bossip.com)

Way to fight the cause sister! I am going to have my uterus pierced in celebration of my last papsmear which came back free and clear.
BTW I heard that the whole scrotum piercing phenomenon was in support of Lance Armstrong and his corageous fight with testicular cancer.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Has Anyone Noticed?

Michael Phelps has a striking resemblance to the Manning Brothers?

Dream Job

Comedian. Hands Down. I personally could never stand in front of a group of people and come across as charming as I think I am so I have the utmost respect for the "art" of comedy. Yeah guitar players get a lot of tail, but the idea that I can make a whole room of people laugh at the same thing at the same time is better than the intro to Smells Like Teen Spirit. Okay, maybe not to you.


The highly anticipated book by Britney Spears’ mother is set to hit store shelves next month.
Lynne Spears’ Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, a memoir about her “backseat role in Britney’s path to fame,” will go on sale on Sept. 16.

I think when you see books like this written by what might as well be a "pageant mom" next to Madonna's brothers' book on the top ten best sellers list, somewhere the ghost of Emily Bronte' is weeping.


Gerri Halliwell gives an interview in Hello ragazine and she says...
What is your diet and exercise regime?“I walk and I do yoga, but not the strenuous, hardcore Ashtanga style. Often, I just breathe and sit in one position for ages. It’s for relaxation. The most vigorous exercise I do is running around after Bluebell! (celebitchy.com)

I remember Gerri from her Ginger Spice zig a zig ah days and the book she is trying to sell me right now called "I Don't Exercise Or Diet At All", yeah I'm not buyin' it.

Monday, August 11, 2008

What Is It??

I don't feel like writing anything deep, not to say that the stuff I write about Hollywood is deep in any way, but that is neither here nor there. I just wanted to say that I have observed a ritual amongst women/girls everywhere of this constant lip gloss application. In bathrooms, at the bar right after they took a sip of something, just standing around, I see the familiar tube of shiny shit getting pulled out and being spread all over their already glossy lips. This shit is sticky as hell, if the slightest wind gets in your hair, your hair is stuck to your lip. It never comes in a flattering color and the constant application just makes it so shiny/shimmery. One does want a hint of color but when did shiny lips become attractive? Watch, next time a camera at the club comes out just watch the bevy of bitches pull out thier little tube. It's like magic!