Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Do Have Time For This Though....

I have been watching the new Star Wars Clone Wars Cartoons. I love them. Anything animated will get my attention these days because sitcoms and reality TV are so stupid that they might as well be starring stick figures my nephew can draw.
But, I have this conundrum. It makes the story even more depressing to me because I am now emotionally involved with The Clones as individuals, that I know are going to turn around and MURDER my beloved Jedi.
Also, I am curious when they started inbreeding the clones because during The Clone Wars they are amazingly on point and by Episode IV we are obviously working with like the C Team of the clones which are the now Storm Troopers. What the hell happened?

I Don't Have Time

I don't have time to write. I am busy actually working, studying and really it seems petty at this time to pick on Jessica Simpson when there are so many serious matters going on.

The election. I am all a flutter to vote, even anticipating wearing my Obama pin and have someone call me a baby killer. Now that is exciting!!

Halloween. What am I going to dress up as? Slutty cat? Slutty pirate? Dead fairy? Yes that is a costume. I guess people didn't clap enough like they suggest you do in Peter Pan. Sorry Tink.

School. Long classes with a fascinating teacher. My books have not arrived yet and I'm spittin angry.

The fact that they handed out pepper spray to the ladies in my office. What exactly is going on in this area that I got this lovely gift.

How could Elite XC go bankrupt?

How can you make up a nickname for yourself like "Maverick" and think you can get away with that? I'm going to start calling myself.....oh let's say "Hottie Body God Damn" and let's see how long that shit works.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Now that Gov. Sarah Palin’s daughter has celebrated her 18th birthday, the GOP vice-presidential candidate says she’s hoping Bristol and fiancĂ© Levi Johnston – who are expecting a baby in December – will tie the knot well before the date next summer the young couple had been eyeing.
“Hopefully before that,” Sarah Palin tells PEOPLE in an Oct. 15 interview for the issue on newsstands this Friday. “Bristol turns 18 in a few days [Oct. 18]. That’s what we wanted her to wait for: 18, and a decision on her own about how she’s going to go forward, her and Levi, at this point.” (

So, 17 old enough to have sex, get pregnant and have a baby....18 age of reason and get married? If she had been a normal teenager she would have had sex with a condom on, never gotten pregnant and been dating somebody else like a normal 18 year old girl should. Instead she is being forced into a loveless marriage, much like Sarah Palin was at her daughter's age. That's the natural way, that's the right way.

4 years, 6 kids, and a billion years ago...

The National Enquirer claims to have the insider story on the start of Brad Pitt and Angelina’s relationship on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith in 2004. This comes right after Angelina admitted in a NY Times interview that she fell in love with Brad while they were making the film. Many people thought she was just stating the obvious while others were quick to point out that Brad was still married to Jennifer Aniston at the time and said it was insensitive to admit that she fell in love with Brad when he was a married man. (

Other burning issues, Earth is indeed flat.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Madge and Guy's Sad Tale

When you get the News from Perez, you know it's for reals...
Madonna’s friends and business associates have HAD ENOUGH with Guy Ritchie and his camp spreading lies and misinformation about the Queen of Pop….and they’re finally speaking out! just spoke exclusively to numerous people VERY close to Madonna. What you are about to read is the truth.
Insiders tell us…. When Guy Ritchie was first introduced to Madonna, by Sting & Trudie Styler, he had a very rich girlfriend by the name of Rebecca Green. Guy had a reputation of being a golddigger and he definitely lived up to that when he dumped his girlfriend of four years, Rebecca, for the much much richer Madonna. “For his entire marriage to M, Guy lived like a king,” one of our many close Madonna sources tell us. “He never spent a dime of his own money for their lifestyle or the children.” He never spent any money, even though he did have some money of his own. (

If it was the other way around, say a rich male entertainer and an attractive female independent film maker would this even be brought up? Would it be news? Would it matter if she had never spent a dime of her own money? Does this not seem as unfair and unbalanced as Fox News?
Of course he lived like a king, he was married to the queen. Why did him not spending any of his own money, during the course of their relationship not come out until now? Why should we think any less of him now? She deemed him well enough to be step father to her young daughter, but now she is using her PR people to tear him apart?
As for him "spreading lies" about her.....what have you heard him say? Nothing. Because despite not having made him sign a PRENUP, she did make him sign a SILENCE clause. So she can say whatever she wants about him, dress THEIR son in a Yankees jersey the week they announce their divorce (HI ALEX!!) and now talk about his not supporting their family.
Dignity and grace obviously does not come with age, a string tied around your wrist or how much yoga you do. Respecting someone with a bit of silence might be best at this time.
I know you are really bendy so try shoving your foot in your mouth for a while.

No Comprende

Comedian Sarah Silverman has attempted to export her off-kilter brand of humor to the U.K. - and so far, audiences would like to send her back to the U.S. Silverman was booed and received scathing reviews of her new act at London’s Hammersmith Apollo by fans who didn’t think her act was funny or long enough to justify the price tag of admission. (

So, the gist of the jive is that Sarah's humor does not translate well in the U.K. I don't really find her that funny either. But, the Brits are certainly acting a bit upper crust for the people that brought us Benny Hill.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Dear Beyonce,

I love your new song and video for "Single Ladies". But, I can't get the chorus out of my head no matter how much Death Metal I listen to. I'm sorry but you are going to suffer greatly for this.
"If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it"....second verse same as the verse...third verse same as the second and it goes on forever and ever and it is just as frightening as it sounds.


In Touch Magazine: Hef has moved on.
Holly: Yeah, Hef’s always looking for younger women. I’m 28 years old and I feel like I need something more in life, so that’s probably why he’s with some really young girls. They’re just looking to have fun, I guess. (

There is not a popsicles chance in hell this bitch is 28 years old.

Surprise. Madonna and Guy Are Getting Divorced

Took me a couple of days to get to this story, I'm busy ok? Everyone saw this coming unboubtedly which is why I did not rush to write about it but here is what has set me off. Madonna's brother, Christopher Ciccone, had this to say of his relationship with his ex brother in law.....
What was it about him that your sister loved? Ciccone: I really have no idea. I suppose I could have tried to stop her. But I always wanted to welcome those people whom Madonna let into her life. Whether it was Warren Beatty, Sean Penn or Carlos Leon. They were and are good friends of mine. Guy was the first who couldn’t bear how close Madonna and I were. He has a problem with gays. (

Guy had a problem with gays? He married Madonna. A gay icon. I'm talking beyond Liberace, Cher "GAY ICON!" I mean if you listen closely to Vogue backwards you clearly hear Little Richard saying "BE GAY WOOOH!" Maybe he just knew you were a dick.
It's a shame whenever a marriage breaks up, but it is even more of a shame when a brilliant woman like Madonna does not get her husband to sign a prenup. I bet this tour is her version of "Here My Dear" like Marvin Gaye did when he divorced his wife.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Kittens and Puppies? Oh My!!

So Heidi eats a couple tacos, stands next to her a-sexual boyfriend takes a few pictures and hilarity ensues.
Last month Heidi was saying that she wanted like 10 kids, some of them biological a bunch of them adopted, and added that she wanted “her own orphanage like Mother Teresa.” Her ever-present boyfriend, Spencer Montag, added that she wants “kittens and puppies,” and that he’s “fighting her [urges] every day.” (

Well first if they are having a baby, it is a miracle because Spencer is a dickless wonder. Second of they are having a baby, it is the antichrist. Fear not little one, the paparazzi are there to protect thee. Three....why does he have to fight her urge to have kittens and puppies? She should have kittens and puppies maybe she wouldn't want a baby so badly. are using kittens and puppies as an analogy for babies? Well, the antichrist is born from a Jackal so maybe she might actually give birth to a dog or a cat? Wait...that's stupid. I hate you Spencer.

Evil Incarnate

Rebecca Long and her husband Jon Pomeroy are facing prison time after starving Pomeroy's 14-year-old daughter to a frail 48 pounds while isolating her from the rest of her family.
Rebecca Long claims her stepdaughter was unruly, and it was a constant "power struggle" to deal with her - so they starved her and tortured her. She was confined to her foul, dirty bedroom and fed scraps of toast and drops of water to wash it down with.(

My nephew is 5 years old, he is 4 ft tall, and I think he weighs about 60lbs, I think. He's a big kid piggy back rides are no longer fun for me. He does not like picking up his toys and his parents would call him unruly at times, but I don't think their power struggle is such that they would starve and torture him....not yet. Besides, he's way too crafty he would not be having that. He knows where the food is and how to open shit.
Enough about my little angel.
These "parents" Rebecca and Jon? Their punishment should be as unimaginable as what they did to this girl. I'm thinking Spanish Inquisition. To quote Marcellus Wallace "I'm gonna get medieval on your asses."
Once again, evil rears it's ugly head in this world in all shapes and forms. Truly horrifying.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Mr. Cranky Pants

Last week Andy Samberg did an impression of Mark Wahlberg that was pretty fucking funny. He was dead on because Mark doesn't really have that much character so I could just take a Boston accent and a scowl and I could do a decent impression.. Mr. Grumpy Gill's needless to say was not amused:

Someone showed it to me on YouTube. It wasn’t like Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin, that’s for sure. And “Saturday Night Live” hasn’t been funny for a long time. They’ve asked me to do the show a ton of times. I used to watch it when Eddie Murphy was there and Joe Piscopo and Bill Murray. I don’t even know who’s on the show now.(

God, this guy has like no funny bone. If they really would have mocked him like they did Sarah Palin, I am pretty sure Mr. Ripped Abs would still be upset that someone dare mock him in any shape or form. I will remind you dropped your pants at the drop of a dime not that long ago. Come on, come on, feel the vibration.


I don't know what this means.....but color me impressed. Welcome back! Anyways I'm wearing that to the office tomorrow. Very functional.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Gluttony Incarnate

AIG sent its executives to the coastal St. Regis resort south of Los Angeles even as the company tapped into an $85 billion loan from the government that it needed to stave off bankruptcy. The resort tab included $23,380 worth of spa treatments for AIG employees, according to invoices the resort turned over to the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.(

What do you say to that?
Do you not want to beat them upside their heads with the 9 irons they were golfing with?

Do you not hope they die of dysentary after eating that shrimp cocktail at the gala dinner?

I know you guys are all exhausted from having to put up those theatrics these past few weeks and you may want a foot massage. But after you read something like this what you deserve is a foot in your pompous ass.
Did you ever see The Omen? I am not religious, but I believe in evil. And it is at that spa getting reflexology.

Things I Never Want To Hear

"Hugh Hefner is stabbing new kitty". (
That is disgusting and it's not true. This slang means his penis is doing some major damage on some sweet girls innocent quivering vagina. There is no stabbing with Mr. Hefner...come on Tyler.

The new Pink song "I'm A Rock Star"
Listened to it once because I actually really like Pink. It's the weakest form of song writing I have ever heard. It sounds like a complete joke, she even does a rasberry at the end as if to say "music is so shitty right now that I bet you I can make this crap and still get airplay." So, you have to listen to it at least once, then never again.

...starring Paris Hilton
I don't know what I was thinking but I saw a good hour of one of her movies last night. If you think she sucks in real life, this bitch is like whoa on film. There is a scene that she is wiping down a counter and she looks like she has never cleaned a thing in her life, the rag was quite puzzling to her. "Is it supposed to be a top? Why is it all wet?" Dear God, and hour of my life gone.

We don't have any tonic...
FUCK!! Well I guess we can make greyhounds

Monday, October 6, 2008

Men, Once Again Are Incredibly Gullible

This is a direct quote from one of my favorite websites WWTDD.COM
TV Side has said in the past that Holly was in it for the money and was looking around and flirting with other guys but was never expected to actually leave him. Over the last few weeks she has changed completely. She actually dumped Hef, face to face, last night. She has a condo in Santa Monica already and will be moving out of the mansion very soon.
Hef so far is taking the breakup well. And by that I mean he’s already stickin it to two new blond twins and they will move into the mansion in the coming weeks.
And good for him. That’s pretty much what I do after getting dumped too. Except, instead of having hot sex with young blond twins, I make a scarecrow of my ex and hang it from a tree with a knife in it and a note that says, YOU.

Listen up boys. I respect Hef just as much or more than you do. I respect him as a writer and entrepreneur and the all around genius that he is. But if you think that any, any of those bimbottes were there simply for manliness and sexual prowess that Hef has to offer, I beg to differ. I know men love women, will always love women and wish that their last breath could be taken on soft pillowy bosoms. But, if you think that he is "already stickin it to two new blond twins" then boys your dreams far surpass the Impossible Dream.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$- Matters to these women. Hef can give that by the truckloads.

SEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXX- Matters to these women. Sorry but, Hef at this point is wearing his jammies because well it's nappy time.

You are not fooling anybody grandpa and really nobody cares. When you see an old man with a young woman this gives guys hope. Not all men can be good looking/hot sex machines but they will be old one day. If you open that savings account may be able to rent your own bimbottes one day.