Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Believe....

That Amy Winehouse is not on drugs. She is posessed by that little Lamisil Monster. As a matter of fact she is that little Lamisil Monster.

The new Wolverine movie is going to be AWESOME!!

Whoever is reading this right now is very sexy

Decorative pillows are bullshit. Especially crochet...wtf mom?

I am going to have a perpetual bruise on my thigh due to the footbard on my bed, which BTW has crochet pillows on it. Again WTF mom?

I need a glass of wine, because the FDA says it's good for me

If someone refers to MMA as "gay" one more time I am going to question their sexuality

Monday, July 28, 2008

More Jessica Simpson Tidbits

Jessica Simpson's Country Music CD will be available September 9th. It's titled "Do You Know".

There's no punctuation just "Do You Know". I think there should be a question mark at the end of the title because she always looks like she is puzzled. So I am going to ask you "Do You Know?"
Do you know that having sex with only one person for the rest of your life is overrated?

Do you know that I have been wearing these cowboy boots forever to prove that I am a country music star?

Do you know that I have nightmares that my boyfriend runs away with one or all of his teammates? I don't know where he is August through January....do you know?

Do you know that my lipgloss is glittery and tastes like strawberries?

Do you know that I am best known for wearing a pair of jean shorts and for being a tsunami of stupidity?

Ryan Seacrest....death by sharkbite

Well not really, but I would have enjoyed that story:

American Idol” host and executive producer of the abominations that are the Denise Richards and Dina Lohan reality shows, Ryan Seacrest, suffered a minor shark bite over the weekend.

Asked by his radio co-host if anyone else got bit, Seacrest lamented: “No, just me, of course! There were like 1,000 people in the ocean, and I get bit by the shark!”(celebitchy.com)

"No just me, of course!" Listen frostylocks, you have Forrest Gumped yourself into a multimillion dollar career and you say some shit like that?! You ungrateful bastard. It could have taken your whole leg and you would still be considered the luckiest son of bitch on the planet.

More Things I Miss...

1. Chicken and beer at Flanny's (come on guys let's get it together)

2. Having a tan. I try to stay out of the sun.

3. Wearing baggy pants and sneakers all the time.....sometimes which leads me to

4. Simpler times

5. Godfather's Pizza

6. Kevin Smith movies. Way too Hollywood...gimme more Chasing Amy. Regular looking people having amazing conversations and really connecting.

7. My curly hair. Again, sometimes. Goes back to the baggy pants thing, simpler times.

8. Pretty soon I will be missing Summer....school starts again soon.

9. The Men Of La Bare circa 1999-2001. What the hell happened?

10. Jason Taylor....yes already

Deep thoughts by Paris Hilton

When the notion of tying the knot with Madden (whose brother Joel is the paramour of Nicole Richie) was broached, Hilton was cautiously optimistic. “I don’t know,” she mused. “We’re so in love and so happy right now and it’s only been like six months. So we’ll see what happens, but we’re so in love and so happy and things have never been better. I finally have a nice guy.”

"It's only been like six months and were so in love and so happy, we're so happy and so in love"
Let's go down the list of Paris' Loves shall we?
1. Rick Solomon. You know the pervert.
2. Nick Carter. Former Back Street Boy
3.Paris Lastis. Greek oil tycoon
4. Starvos Niarchos III. Greek oil tycoon
5. Benji Madden. Tatted up rocker that if you ask me to name one of his songs I will stare at u blankly.
Well you can't say the girl hasn't tried to find love. I mean she has really sucked a lot of A-Z list cock to get to this point and she has finally found someone to love.
But, this is PH we are talking about. Tick cock you know...only a matter of time. "Ooooh shiny..."

Friday, July 25, 2008

Soft-hitting talk show host Larry King, 74, is on his seventh wife and he seems to be just about as committed to her as he was to his other six wives. Shawn Southwick, 48, has been married to King for 11 years and they have two sons together, Chance Armstrong, 9, and Cannon Edward, 8.
(celebitchy.com)

I really don't care about Larry King or his wife's drug habbit. I am just curious how do you decide to name one of your kids Chance and the other one Cannon? It seems a little unfair because Chance is the name of a perfume and Cannon is well a fucking cannon. I see trouble ahead for these two.

Sure You Hate It Lady

Megan Fox has a problem with her bombshell image:

She tells MTV UK.com, “I’m not comfortable with it (FHM Sexiest Woman) at all. It annoys me.

She goes on to say:I have a few love scenes (in Jennifer’s Body). I eat and seduce everyone - boys and girls. There’s a lot of kissing and craziness.

This chick is full of crap. If you are saying you don't feel comfortable with something don't follow the sentence with "I seduce everyone boys and girls."
Isn't this the same chick that was talking about "having the libido of a horny teenge boy" in that same magazine where her pictorials include pictures of her in her underwear staring seductively into the camera? The only reason you are where you are is because you look how you look. You were in a movie called Transformers and one called Jennifer's Body.....until you do some Henry James shit enjoy being the babe of the year.

PETA has beef....I'm funny

This is a direct quote from PETA's website:
While I love that The Dark Knight lived up to its name by exploring the noiresque Frank Miller-inspired themes of Gotham’s protector, they didn’t need to make Batman into a dogphobic man! Batman is an icon, a superhero genius that beats up gun-toting thugs using only his iron fist of justice—KA-POW! He looks damn good in pleather while owning the streets, yet in The Dark Knight, he was punching out dogs left and right. Sure, it was self-defense, but doesn’t the man with the James Bond gadgets know anything about peanut butter treats and deflecting devices?

Um, PETA? He punched two dogs, one on the left on the right like you said. He is in the middle of defending his life and other humans as well so I don't think at that moment the blood thirsty mongrels deserved a "peanut butter treat". This is a movie where many people were not only punched, but thrown off balcony's, set on fire, killed, all that....but I don't see you getting you panties in a bunch over that. It's a movie, eat your popcorn and kindly shut the fuck up.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Can You Keep Them There......please????

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are going to perform in Iraq. Perform what exactly? Haven't these soldiers been through enough

Heidi on her stepbrother being killed in the Iraq War and her plans to perform for American troops stationed in the Middle East: My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq. It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.”(justjared.com)

I have a feeling that the soldiers have not been reading the tabloids or watching The Hills much so I don't know if they are even going to have a clue who these two are. I read about them all the time and I have no idea what they do or are. Just put a cheerleading outfit on her and she could pass as entertainment. The douche with her? He may just have to die out there. Good luck out there Spence.

I Love Matthew McConaughey

On finding out the sex of the baby during the pregnancy: “I said, ‘Come here, little man. I saw the pecker and screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy. Then I brought him over to [Camila].’ (people.com)

OMG I fucking love him!! He is right there not scared at all front row....and then uses the word pecker for his infant son in People Magazine. That is awesome!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

OMG! Enough Already!

The famously philanthropic couple, who have given millions to charity through their Jolie-Pitt Foundation, have also been characteristically generous with the hospital. Brad “ordered hundreds of toys for the sick children here and has visited the wards to speak to the younger patients,” said a clinic spokesperson.
The spokesperson added, “They have charmed everyone who works here. It has been delightful having them to stay and we shall all be very sorry to see them go.” (celebitchy.com)

And then they sprinkled fairy dust as they rode into the sky on a chariot pulled by unicorns. For fucks sakes stop with the community service hours already it's nauseating

Batman Would Not Do This

Christian Bale was arrested and brought in for questioning by London police today after his mother and sister reported that he assaulted them at a London hotel. The incident is alleged to have taken place on Sunday and was not reported to police by Bale’s family members until Monday.(celebitchy.com)

I believe Christian Bale can do any wrong so I don't buy these bitches "allegations." Oh, unless they were antagonizing him and making fun of the Batman Voice....you guys know what I'm talking about? It sounds like he guzzled down sand and granola bars with hot coffee.

How Charming!

Sherri Shepard from The Coven, sorry The View shared this lil' tidbit with Christian Women's Magazine Precious Times.

At the time, the stand-up comic — then a Jehovah’s Witness – was “in a very physically abusive relationship,” she said. “I was sleeping with a lot of guys and had more abortions than I would like to count." (celebitchy.com)

Hmm? I mean she could have just said "Shoot I dun' had more abortions than you could shake a stick at!" WTF was she thinking saying this outloud? Did she realize it was being written down? She works for Barbara Walters, that woman will bury you. She is like the mafia,

Monday, July 21, 2008

Deep Thoughts By Brooke Hogan

“You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?”(celebitchy.com)

You just set us back about 200 years Brooke. There was a time that women could not vote at all...did you know that Brooke? I bet you didn't. You were too busy crying and yelling all the way up there from the ivory tower your daddy built you just beneath the glass ceiling women everywhere have been trying to break or at least reach.
Just slap the snot out of this brat please.
PS- Maybe if your dad wasn't so concerned about you staying a virgin until you were married your brother wouldn't be in the predicament he is in now....I'm just sayin'.

Here's Another Person Whose Head Needs To Be Slammed Profusely On The Concrete

One of the brilliant Kardashian sisters was arrested, and released from jail in 173 minutes after pleading guilty to a DUI.
She went on to report, "As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats…The warden came down to talk to me, and he was saying, 'You're the one causing all the problems here.' And I'm like, 'Ugh, I don't need any more problems.' And he's like, 'There's all these bomb threats, and we're thinking it's for you.'..But because of all these things, it's a blessing, and I was actually released early because I was a threat to the prison."(perezhilton.com)

They used to do bomb threats in my school and they would let us frolick around on the school yard. I heard that these days being able to track those things is easier and it makes me sad for all those kids that never got to say "Woo hoo! Bomb Threat!" It's not as much fun post 9/11.
So the fact that while KK was in the clink and there were three bomb threats implies that somebody really wants this spoiled bitch to die. Or that the Lynwood Police Dept. does not have *69.
I have no sympathy for someone who re-enacts their DUI for their reality show on the E channel.....she did. She was supposedly particularly wasted that night because it was the anniversary of her father's death. Because this horrible moment was not caught on tape, she did a re-enactment of it a la "Unsolved Mysteries".Remember that show from the 80's? Hosted by Robert Stack? Anybody?

BOOOOOO!!!

I don’t know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas; I’m just like you. I’m doing what I love and dating a boy.” –- Jessica Simpson told concertgoers Saturday at the Country Thunder music festival in Wisconsin, where she was greeted by a mix of boos and cheers. (justjared.com)

Let's break it down shall we?
"I'm a girl from Texas, I'm just like you." At that particular moment you were in Wisconson Jess and you currently reside in Los Angeles. So boo to that

"I'm doing what I love"
Once again, you are in Wisconson, home of the cheese heads. Nobody and I mean nobody is in Wisconson doing what they love.

"and dating a boy"
Who just do happens to be a quarterback in the NFL. You really think they are going to empathize with you??
BTW. you are 28 years old. Stop referring to them as boys. That might make them see you as a grown woman and not the simple minded little girl you love to portray.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Things That Make Me Kinda Geeky

I can recite pretty much all the dialogue from all the Star Wars movies. Oh and I have gone to all the 12am showings.....one time with Leia buns

I love Barry Manilow. I have the greatest hits and I listen to it quite often. Could It Be Magic? Yes it can Barry, yes it can.

I have read all the Harry Potter books at least three times.

I have gotten amazingly good at Guitar Hero, not great but good. A woman my age should not partake in this kind of thing.

I use the thesaurus to look up better ways to say common words. For instance instead of saying sarcastic....say caustic. Just sounds smarter.


MST3K.....if you know what it is you may be as geeky as me













Perfect Things

The way my friend's make a vodka and tonic. Maybe it's the extra love they put into it, but I always overdo it

Salma Hayek's scene in From Dusk Til' Dawn

Johnny Depp

Hans' response to Leia's "I love you"...."I know"

Every Dr. Cox quote from Scrubs....example. " I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it."

Stewie

Johnny Depp.....did I say that? Sorry so nice I had to say it twice.

The song "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. If you haven't heard then you just don't understand

Baby Ruth

DKNY Thong Underwear....when you're ready for big girl panties

This is not going to bode well for the little guy

Ingo Rademacher, Jax from "General Hospital," tried to explain why he ruined his newborn son's life by naming him Peanut Kai.

He told People, "We were calling him that when he was in mommy. It kind of represented joy and happiness to us. It puts a smile on everyone's face." (dlisted.com)

I have a friend that calls me peanut, because I'm little like a peanut. But there is a huge difference between a cute lil' nickname and actually naming your unfortunate child Peanut. Enjoy the smiles it brings today buddy because your son is going to hate you.

Shocking!!!

"We are sad to announce the engagement of Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault has been canceled. There will be no further comment."(dlisted.com)

So, Salma gets sperminated, has her baby girl, then dumps the daddy? If she was going to do that couldn't she have picked someone I don't know, even remotely attractive? I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that this guy is lllllloooooodddddeeeeeddddd? Nah, that couldn't be it.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

There In Nothing To Say Except This Is Gross

“There’s an institute called the Wake Forest Institute in North Carolina for Regenerative Skin Treatment,” he told Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper. “It’s going to be pricey, but … it’s worth it. I got fire on my arms, I don’t need fire on my arms! I’m a grown man.”
Explaining how the icky-sounding process works, Williams said, “It’s basically like getting a skin graft, but you’re not taking skin from your a– or legs - these guys actually grow the skin for you.” Contemplating his new blank canvas, he added, “When it has healed you can go get whatever tattoo you want.” (celebitchy.com)

I wasn't going to comment on this because it's disgusting. But I have to. I have to because he is having the skin removed from his ass to cover up the flames that he claims he is too grown up to have, but then says "when it has healed you can go get whatever tattoo you want." That seems so pointless and stupid because all that is going to happen when he turns 50 he is going to have to get skin from somewhere else to cover up the microphones/headphones/baby momma's name he will get this year. Skin is in Pharell.

I Kissed A Girl....

Well not me, but did you see how quickly that got your attention?
Katy Perry did a remake of the 90's hit "I Kissed A Girl" and she is all over the charts, video countdowns, and radio stations. It's not that I don't like the song, I do. It's not that I have a problem with girl on girl action, I don't. But it's still pretty amazing to me that all a relatively attractive girl has to do these days to get the slightest bit of attention is elude to an encounter with a female and suddenly she becomes much more interesting.
For instance I have a couple of guy friends that if I feel I am losing their attention in the conversation all I have to mention is "how annoying it is that all the girls I know that get their boobs done want me to touch them" and they are back to focusing on me.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Has She Even Watched The Show?

Move over, Carrie Bradshaw.
“I’d love to do a younger, cleaner version of Sex and the City,” Miley Cyrus, 15, tells TV Guide.
(She previously told Vanity Fair that the HBO series is her favorite show. She later issued a statement clarifying that she only watches the edited, TBS version).
Still, she says she won't be having sex anytime soon.
"I like to think of myself as the girl that no one can get, that no one can keep in their hand," Cyrus goes on.
Like her pals the Jonas Brothers, Cyrus wears a purity ring.
“Even at my age, a lot of girls are starting to fall,” she says, “and I think if [abstaining] is a commitment girls make, that’s great.” (US Weekly)

Um, no. It's called Sex and the City and you cannot clean it up. Don't try it, you will be hurt.
Besides this kid is the epitome of hypocrisy. She has professional pictures taken of herself for a magazine and everybody loses their minds because she is showing the side of her back, she goes into PR mode "oh I'm so embarassed, gosh golly gee!" Then she keeps taking slutty pictures of herself on her own phone every other week...this week she is in a white tshirt in the shower. I think when she titled her tour "The Best of Both Worlds" she literally meant her sweet side and her skanky side would be performing that night and every night.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation By Britney Spears

It's official! Britney Spears is working on another album.
According to a statement released Wednesday by her manager Larry Rudolph and Jive Records, the singer, 26, "is spending her summer in the recording studio, working on a brand new album.
"She’s working with a team of top-notch producers and songwriters and we’re very excited about what she’s accomplished so far. No album release date has been confirmed yet," read the statement.

Really? Really? And no one has advised her, hey um maybe you should work on acting human without having your father babysit you? How about you stop worrying about what your extentions look like and get a manicure....it's just a suggestion. Hey, um how about you spend time with your very young children? Your sons? You know the one's the court only allows you to see a couple times a week? The one's that you are such a bad parent to that their douchebag father looks like Father of the Year compared to you?
No? Ok make an album Britney, fine. But I hope this a Goth/Dark album and not a pop synth/pretend to be sexy or even happy album because that would just be more lies. I know that you are as sad as Morrissey is.

YAWWWWWN

Angelina Jolie's twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline are "so cute," her obstetrician, Dr. Michel Sussmann, told the JTA news service Tuesday.

Am I the only one who doesn't give a rat's ass about this chick squeezing out what I hope are her last two puppies? What I am interested is what this brood is going to be like in 20 years. I do not wish anything evil upon this lovely family but come on....how much more good stuff can possibly be centered around these two?

Monday, July 14, 2008

I Take Back What I Said About The Iphone

I previously chided those who waited in line for the new Iphone. I publicly apologize. It does this cool thing called Phone Saber that has your phone make sounds like a light saber. I am playing with it right now.... my man is not getting it back. My light saber is purple! Take that Senator Palpatine!

Friday, July 11, 2008

If that was all it took...

Nick Epperson, a 24-year-old grad student, spent the night outside an AT&T store in Atlanta, keeping his cheer up with bags of Doritos, three games of Scrabble and two packs of cigarettes. Asked why he was waiting in line, he responded simply ''Chicks dig the iPhone.''

You know what else chicks dig Nick? Scrabble playing losers who sit in line all night smoking cigarettes with their nasty fingers covered in Dorito dust....HHHHHOOOOT! Here is a word for you nincompoop....triple word score.

EXTRA EXTRA HEAR ALL ABOUT IT!!!

Us Weekly has a flipbook dedicated Madonna's past lovers. It would have been much more fun if it would have been a pop up book...Vanilla Ice?! Who knew?
So, did you guys know that Madonna has somewhat of a tarnished past? I mean I had no idea. When I first heard her song Like a Virgin 24 years ago, I never sensed a shred of irony from that title.
Come on people, the woman is 50. Besides her two marriages she has been practically single most of her life. If the average woman's sex life was out there for all to see there would be some things we are all ashamed of. But, that is the great thing about Madonna she has never been ashamed, even of Dennis Rodman. Well maybe she is a little ashamed of Dennis Rodman....aren't we all?

Jennifer Lopez...get off her ass

There are photos of Jennifer Lopez all over the internet these past couple of weeks on a boat in a bikini vacationing in Italy. Everyone is criticizing her body from her butt, to her gutt to her MASSIVE THIGHS....those are their words not mine.
Bitch is 38 years old and she just had twins....fucking twins ok? Half the people criticizing her have no idea what it takes for the typical woman to stay in decent shape. You are damned if you do, and bludgeoned if you don't.
Believe me, it is very easy to criticize from behind your keyboards (ahem) but if they would stop playing World of Warcraft long enough they would see what they really look like, not the sword yeilding elf they choose to look like. I'm pretty sure none of these guys have ever been impregnated, especially with two little hatchlings at the same time. What are their excuses for their gutts, butts, love handles?
Give her until the end of the summer and I bet she looks better than any woman they have ever had the chance to try to date rape. Jerks...

Somebody Stop Him!!

Michael Jackson is trying to restart his rusty career. After seeing the greatest boy band of time reunite, Jackson is rumored to want to work with them. The New Kids on the Block start touring in September and have reportedly been hosting “secret talks” with the “Thriller” signer.

The band held secret talks with Michael, 49, at his Nevada home last week. They are the latest in a string of artists - including Kanye West, will.i.am, Ne-Yo and Akon - rumoured to be working with him as he attempts to revive his career following his acquittal of child abuse charges three years ago.(celebitchy.com)

NO NO NO!!!!
Michael where are your handlers? Fine Kanye, will i. am....all the things the hip young kids are into. Lure them into your "new career". Leave NKOTB alone! Leave them alone. In case you hadn't noticed they are not so new anymore. Their old asses just came to their senses and regrouped, but they are on shaky ground as it is. I'm afraid if you come in on your flying saucer you are going to ruin their comeback. You can't piggy back on someone else's comeback Michael!

Are you serious??

A source said: ‘Isla was supposed to spend her time after giving birth hard at work on her Torah studies, and that’s gone far slower than expected.

‘It’s very much frustrated her future in-laws, especially Sacha’s mother, who were really hoping for a wedding this summer.’

The source added: ‘Right now there’s no wedding date set because Isla hasn’t fully converted yet, and even though she’s working at it part-time, she’s far from being close to completing her studies.’

Isla, who has spent most of this summer filming her upcoming project Confessions Of A Shopaholic, is said to have a tense relationship with Sacha’s mother, Daniella.(celebitchy.com)

This woman's son has made a career of running around in fake mustaches, fake accents, fake homosexuality, fake anti semetic schtick,showing his hairy ass and balls in a neon green thong.....and she is upset that Isla has not studied her Torah as much as she should have? One, she had a baby your grandchild by the way lady. Two, she is a young working actress has to work if she does not want to depend on Borat's bucks. I know most people think he is brilliant but he doesn't make me laugh. You know what makes me laugh? That commercial with Frank Caliendo making fun of President Bush and he pronounces DVR as well DVR which is awesome!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Suuuuuure....

Brian Austin Green says everything’s going great with fiancĂ©e Megan Fox.
(London’s Daily Star reported that Fox, 22, called off her engagement to the former 90210 star after realizing “she’s too young to marry him.”)
“We’re solid,” Green, 34, says in the new issue of TV Guide. “We’ve lived together for three years. We have tattoos of each other’s names.”

That's right Brian. Living with a girl since she was 19 for three years makes things solid. It's not like she is not in her early 20's now, hot as fire, just breaking into Hollywood and her formative years are just heating up. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Oh and the tattoos of eachother's names? Oh that is practically a marriage license! Just ask Tommy Lee, Johnny Depp, Billy Bob and the stupid hookers that got tats for Bret Michaels on that dumb ass show. You are right, you are going to be together FOREVER!!
PS- She also has a tattoo of Marilyn Monroe on her forearm....Marilyn is dead....do the math.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Last night...

I went to my local pharmacy. I picked up my monthly prescriptions. Xanax for sleeping and birth control for well, you know. I decided to peruse their wine selection which was surprisingly impressive and I picked up a couple of bottles for well, therapy.
I went to the checkout with my wine and gave them my name for my prescriptions and they looked at me like I was a slut. A pill popping fornicating alcoholic slut. They were right but that's profiling and profiling is wrong.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Um.....no

Vick, who's currently serving a karma-endorsed 23-month sentence in the Federal pen, filed for Chapter 11 in U.S. Bankruptcy Court Monday. In the papers, he says he owes between $10 and $50 million to creditors.In the docs, the convicted animal abuser says he hopes he can "rebuild his life on a personal and spiritual level, resurrect his image as a public figure, and resolve matters with the NFL such that he can resume his career." (tmz.com)

I love that, "karma endorsed sentence."
That was less than 1 year ago that he started serving his sentence, he still has to serve 1 more year. How can he "rebuild his life on a personal and spiritual level"? Ok, Mike get out of jail and let us see what you have learned. Anything? Besides how to shank, it's a verb to shank.
As for "resurrecting his image as a public figure" I gotta say, he is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. The only thing he knows how to do is play football, oh and kill dogs, but I'm trying to get past that.
"Resolve matters with the NFL such that he can resume his career." No Mike I do not believe that will ever happen. One this has nothing to do with the other, yes. You served your time, yes. But, what organization is going to take this chance on you? Yes, you can mention Ray Lewis all you want but these were dogs you harmed, PETA will never allow you to be employed. Never, ever. I am ashamed to say I agree with PETA on this one. Football means Sundays, barbecues, kids and ever since Janet showed her boob nothing too risky during half time. Who would have the puppy killer as their quarter back? Not even Philly kid.
There is always that AFL....sorry.

Trumped

Donald Trump may have a new sparring partner on his hands.
The “Apprentice” head honcho has raised a critical eyebrow at “Get Smart’s” Anne Hathaway for dumping her boyfriend, and Trump Tower resident, Raffaello Follieri, days before he was arrested and charged with fraud.
“She hasn’t remained very loyal to him, has she?” Trump told “Access Hollywood’s” Billy Bush. “So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not as good, right?”
(MSNBC.com)

So she is with the guy through the whole ordeal, the embezzlement, the fraud, not to mention the amount of lying he probably did to her. She realizes this is never going to work, beautiful, talented actress + criminal = horrifying ending. Trump is disgusted, when really he should be scared. He should be scared because he knows that his cash is the only thing that has kept his honeys in line including that robot he calls a wife these days.

Yaay a boy finally!

“A healthy baby boy was born,” Matthew told OK!. “Camila and I were side by side the entire time. We are both tired and elated, and are so happy to have created the greatest miracle in the world — Having a child and making a family. Now comes the greatest adventure — raising one, together.”

Now that is going to be one handsome kid. Nekkid and handsome playing the bongos next to his daddy. Finally a boy to put on my Daria Hot Boys of The Future Countdown. I will keep you posted. Up yours Maxim!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Wanna Smell Like Kim Kardashian?

If a weekly dose of Keeping up with the Kardashians just isn’t enough for you, you’ll soon be able to get even more of the show’s biggest star. Kim Kardashian announced yesterday afternoon that she will launch her very own celebrity fragrance in May of 2009. (people.com)

What was the question? Do I want to smell like Kim Kardashian? No. I'm sure she smells lovely and there are worse things to smell like. For instance, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Shania Twain. But, no. I have to pass on that. Thanks though!

Things I think About

Do you think Jennifer Lopez likes the music she makes? I can't imagine growing up in the Bronx birthplace of hip hop and her actually liking that "I'm Glad" song. I like it, I just don't know if she likes it.


Do people in the fetish community ever go out in jeans and a tank to the grocery store? I mean that look is exhausting to pull off all the time. Not to mention the yeast infections. If I'm wrong clear it up for me please.


Is Morrissey still sad? I think he is sad.



Ok, this is really not about the fetish community but kind of so....why do vampires in movies always dress in cloaks and long jackets and frilly shirts? The only ones I really remember dressing kind of normal was the ones from The Lost Boys and not even.



Why do I still read Perez Hilton? He is such a dick.

How does Posh walk in heels all the time? ALLL the time.

When did the word "like" become part of our vocabulary?

For that matter, why do people say "you know what I'm sayin'" after they say something? It is usually a rapper so no, I have no idea what you are saying.

Ya' Think?....jackass

Brinkley, 54, and Cook, 49, are currently fighting for custody of the kids, Jack, 13, and Sailor, 10. They split in 2006 after Cook cheated on her with Diana Bianchi.
Cook's lawyers are expected to accuse Brinkley of having "anger" issues.

So, let's get this straight. Her husband cheats on her with a 19 year old girl after almost 15 years of marriage, then her husband's lawyer accuses her of having anger issues? Uh, yeah I should think so.
I don't agree with making their divorce testimony public. If she is so worried about Jack and Sailor (WTF, are they boating/pirate enthusiasts?) the best thing she could do is take the high road and shut the hell up. Oh that's right, Hollywood folk don't know much about the high road. It is just to the left of Dignity and Poise. No no, that's a Starbucks you have to keep going.

WTF???

Alex Rodriguez is so obsessed with Madonna that "he'll only listen to [her] music" while driving, and goes "into a trance" if one of her videos comes on at the gym, alleges the Yankee's former trainer and godfather to his two daughters.
"Alex, God bless him, is lost," Dodd Romero, 46, told the New York Post Sunday. "I think he got pulled in by the dark side, if you can say that nicely. He's totally brainwashed. (Us Weekly)

The old broad might be 50, more muscular than most men, and been around the block so many times the block has been named after her.....but she could still suck a mean dick if this is true.

YAWN!!

Apparently, Britney Spears isn’t the only A-lister Madonna has smooched.
In his upcoming unauthorized autobiography Life With My Sister Madonna, her brother Christopher Ciccone claims the singer, 49, planted a steamy kiss on BFF Gwyneth Paltrow.
According to an excerpt in British tabloid The Sun, Ciccone writes that Madonna was at a New Year’s Eve bash for designer Donatella Versace.
She was dancing on a table at 4 a.m. when she allegedly grabbed Paltrow, 35, pulled her face to hers and kissed her.
Partygoers, Ciccone says, were shocked. (US Weekly)

Was there tounge involved? If there wasn't any tounge than it doesn't really count

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Tila Needs Some Chunky Monkey

But Tila herself had a surprise coming when Kristy refused the key. “You love that I’m honest and that I’m true to my feelings and true about who I am,” she said. “If I take this key I’m not being true.”

So she dumps the guy who calls himself her "Bo-Bear". He cried, Bo-Bear cried when she didn't give him the key to her heart or whatever lame ass symbol MTV came up with for this bimbo. Bo-Bear and Tila Tequila.....that never would have lasted anyways.
Then Kristy basically says "I'm not sure how I feel about being with a woman for the rest of my life." Basically, Kristy knows she will miss "the cock" eventually and not be true to Tila.
These shows are all the same thing, bullshit. I don't understand how a person can come on a show and have 20 people crazy about them and crying if they don't get a rose or a key or an STD from them.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

I Know This Is Not True, But Who Cares...

Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands tomorrow, that Madonna’s seven-year marriage to Guy Ritchie has stalled out – and the singer has been hosting late-night visits from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez at her Central Park West apartment in New York City.(US Weekly)

Like I said before, I know this is not true. But, oh it's awesome! The idea that she threw off that Kabballah bracelet and banged the hottest Yankee on the planet (Sorry Jeter) makes me want to break out my Like A Virgin record and remember for a moment that Madonna is and will always be Queen of the Sluts. Bow down!

In Touch Magazine Is Calling Kate Hudson A Slut

Moving in After 4 Days [ex husband Chris Robinson]Days after their first date in May 2000, Kate moved in with Chris Robinson. “We knew we were in love after four days,” she says. They wed seven months later.

Dating after 1 week [Owen Wilson]One week after her separation from Chris was confirmed, rumors flew that Kate was already dating her You, Me and Dupree co-star Owen Wilson

Vacationing after 2 weeks [Dax Shephard]Two weeks after she was first seen with comedian Dax Shepard, Kate invited him to take a vacation with her to Canada to meet her entire extended family.

Meeting kids after 1 date [Lance Armstrong]Lance and Kate were first spotted at a Kid Rock concert after-party in NYC on May 15. She flew with him to Austin, TX, the next day and met his children.(In Touch Magazine)

The only problem I have with this list is well, the men on it. Except for Lance Armstrong all of these men are, for lack of a better word, fuckin' strange. I know he is a bongo playing pot head, but where is Matthew on this list? He kind of fits right in there, he is fuckin' strange but he is also incredibly good looking. On this list we need at least one non-fuggo.

LC

There’s the Lauren Conrad you see on The Hills–then there is the real-life Lauren Conrad. The difference: The Lauren-in-real-life is really sweet, thinner and tanner than on TV.
The Hills star launched her latest beauty collection for Mark last week–and won over at least one new fan, Glamour magazine’s writer-editor Petra Guglielmetti.
Donning a strapless dress from her holiday collection, L.C. dazzled Guglielmetti, who described her as “seemingly really sweet/almost a little shy” and “shockingly well-spoken” as she described Mark’s new m.powerment initiative, the proceeds for which will benefit organizations that prevent violence against young women. (people.com)

Thinner? Tanner? You mean LC is thinner and tanner in real life than she is on the Hills? This bitch must be a dirty string of dental floss.
"Shockingly well spoken", leads me to believe that the people in charge of interviewing her expected her to drool all over herself then point to the flowy dresses that caught her tan eye. This ain't no compliment lady.

I Wonder...

How is it possible some people are in and out of rehab forever, right now it is Amy Winehouse that I am surprised is even still breathing, years ago it was Liza Minelli, that old broad is still kickin'.....and some people just die? Like Heath Ledger a few months ago and River Pheonix so many years ago. Is that to go with the saying that the good die young and assholes live forever? I'm not calling Liza an asshole...just thinking out loud.

Why there are so few Asian male actors? You could watch a movie from the 90's and still see that same "Bad Asian Mafia Guy" in a movie today as "Bad Asian Mafia Guy" and noone, including myself, knows their name. Even Ken Watanabe who has an amazing resume as an actor only plays the solemn, soulful, sexless Asian man. I would love to see him smile.

Why do people keep telling me what to think I think is attractive? Ok, Ashton is cute but I don't really care that much. Ok, Brad is the shit but I don't care that much anymore either. Stop making lists of people who are hot then then tell me they are hot. Those guys from Gossip Girl? GAAAAY! I don't care that they are gay, but they are and we all know it, they wera polka dot ascots for goodness sakes! I have my own list. Ken Watanabe is in it.....is he in yours? I didn't think so, jackasses.

What is is about baseball uniforms that makes us crazy? I don't paticularly enjoy the sport....but damn Alex Rodriguez.

Rainy days and Monday always get me down. Ok, it's Tuesday but for those of you that get it you get the blue ribbon.

What did Leo's character give his psychologist in that envelope in The Departed?