Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm Too Sexy For This Job

Debrahlee Lorenzana claims in court papers that she was forced out of her Manhattan Citibank job because she was too good looking, reports the New York Post. According to the paper, Lorenzana says she was subject to "improper comments" and was reprimanded for dressing sexily - when all she was doing was dressing professionally. (cbsnews.com)

I would find this so much more believable were it not for the fact that she has like twenty pictures of her posing in an actual office. Not necessarily in a sexy way, but just posing in an office while just happening to look kinda sexy. Look, how not sexy I am reading this folder? Look, how not sexy I am pulling this cart thingy? Like, OJ posing with a kitchen knife as a practical joke or something.

Day 64, Waiting for Kevin Costner to Save the World. Sounds like a movie doesn't it?

A judge has blocked the offshore drilling moratorium imposed by the Obama administration after the devastating Gulf of Mexico oil spill.

 Judge Feldman writes that Interior Secretary Ken Salazar's decision was based on a finding:

"that new deepwater wells pose an unacceptable risk of serious and irreparable harm to life and property and a finding that the installation of additional safety or environmental protection equipment is necessary to prevent injury or loss of life and damage to property and the environment." Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Let's stop for a moment because we don't know what could happen. and none of these companies would know what to do if there was another spill at the moment. You do not let traffic back on the highway until the accident is cleared.

"[T]he Court is unable to divine or fathom a relationship between the findings and the immense scope of the moratorium," Feldman writes. "The Report patently lacks any analysis of the asserted fear of threat of irreparable injury or safety hazards posed by the thirty-three permitted rigs also reached by the moratorium. It is incident specific and driven: Deepwater Horizon and BP only. None others." Fathom a relationship between findings? Well, none of these companies know what the hell they are doing! If they did they would be sharing their knowledge! It is obvious they have the technology to get the oil, they just don't have an escape plan when shit gets ugly.

"If some drilling equipment parts are flawed, is it rational to say all are? Are all airplanes a danger because one was? All oil tankers like Exxon Valdez? All trains? All mines? That sort of thinking seems heavy handed, and rather overbearing," Feldman writes. (cbsnews.com)
Since when is profiling wrong? The government has been doing it forever.

Yes! It is safe to say that! A ship or an airplane are not the same as oil gushing out of the Earth in a hole that we made. The plane will crash can crash and be done, whatever damage it can do is done in one crash. The ship has a certain amount of oil if it gets hit or is driven by a drunk (IE Exxon Valdez) there is terrible damage, but limited damage. Neither of those can compare to a hole with a direct line to the oil in the Gulf.

I really don't understand this. They had the power to get there. They have the technology to get the oil. They are drilling deeper than they ever have and yet, they can't find a way to stop it.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Get It Together People...

I was on a website talking about vampire tv shows and movies and I read these gems in the comment section. I did not make these up. These are real people talking about and debating vampires.

I wish I was a vampire. I would have my own coven of vampires and we would take revenge on all the people who while I was alive had their fun with me. I would drink their blood and take their strength. Life would be much better for me if I was a vampire. (radaronline.com)
Wow. I have to admit, my friends and I joke around all the time as to who we would take with us to be in our vampire coven and how much fun we would have. But this is the thing our lives are good. We have a good time together and only want to prolong it. You sweety, are miserable and will be miserable in the after life. Please, try to make this life a good one, then we can talk about "eternal".

Its very simple: vampires CAN NOT GO OUT IN DAYLIGHT, Stephanie Meyer has made up her own rules, Twilight is NOT a vampire story, True Blood is the REAL THING! Wake up people, if you don't believe ME, read the original: Bram Stoker's DRACULA!!! (radaronline.com)
True Blood is the real thing? No. I love True Blood, but there ain't nothin' real bout' it including the accents. None of this stuff is real which is what makes it so much fun, hence you can make up whatever rules you like. Bram Stoker took folklore and embellished them. That's it. Am I supposed to be mad at Sesame Street for their version of The Count? Never Enjoy Count Chocula cereal after a bender? I think not!
 
NONE OF THIS CRAP IS REAL PEOPLE. YOU CAN DRESS UP AND WEAR CONTACTS ALL YOU LIKE, BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO GO OUT AND GET YOUR DAMN GROCERIES IN YOUR PJ'S EVERY ONCE IN WHILE.

Happy Bday Kid...

In April, Tiger talked in a press conference about what he missed out on while in rehab after his secret cheating life was exposed.
"Because of the time frame of it, I missed my son's first birthday and that hurts. That hurts a lot and I vowed I'd never miss another one after that. I can't go back to where I was,” he said.

(radaronline.com)

Except this weekend when he missed his daughter's third birthday.
Oh Tiger, you don't have to be there for all the birthday's but after everything that you put us through, you would think that you would follow up with your promises. Although, when you went back to golf after saying you were going to be out for a while and focus on your personal life then came back like three months later?I guess that means you must have had everything figured out by now. Awesome.

Friday, June 18, 2010

At least it's written in language she can understand...

I had to make this picture small because I could not stand her staring at me, mouth agape.

Have you seen Miley Cyrus' new tattoo?
In little black letters, she had the word LOVE inked onto her right ear.
Why? We'll let her explain…
"There's so much negativity in the world and what you only need to hear is all the love," Cyrus, 17, just told me from New York City, where she's in the middle of the big promo tour for her new album, Can't Be Tamed. "People try to say to me, ‘I just heard someone say this or that about you,' and I just ignore it because it's irrelevant. Love is what makes the world go around, and that's all we need to focus on." (eonline.com)

Here is my reaction.
Read Miley got tattoo on ear. Think automatically to myself, "all she wants to hear is loving things and this will protect her precious ears from all that smack talk."
Read Miley's reason for getting tattoo on said ear, which is pretty much what I was thinking.
Stay quiet for a while pondering the vacuum of stupidity that is this child's brain.
Now, if we can just get "shut up" tattooed across her mouth everything will be fine.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Are they not that difficult to come by?

He's got the #1 movie in America, and he has a kiddie six-pack to boot.
'Karate Kid' Jaden Smith is promoting the movie in China, where it filmed.
At one point at the Beijing premiere Jaden, 11, lifted his shirt to show off his muscles. (huffingtonpost.com)

Everybody seems to have sick abs these days, but to this I say nay nay.
He's 11. Only 11. Put that away until you are at least.....18. OK, 17 but just that away for now.

PIGGY!!!

"Miniature pigs are sold only as pets," Chris Murray explains to PEOPLEPets.com, "and therefore we know that, as all pets are, they will be played with … its important that nothing particularly worries them or gets stressful."
So they picked up the adorable red boots -- originally made as accessories for a Paddington bear stuffed animal -- from a local toy shop and Clive tried them on for size, and a photo op was born.
"Being a little fellow and more sensitive to having wet feet he was quite happy to pop two 'bears' of boots on," says Murray. The mini pig was perfect for this little experiment because most have a "gentle character, easy going attitude," he adds. (people.com)

I have absolutely no story here whatsoever, but this pig was so damn cute!!!

I DUN SEEN BIGFOOT!

North Carolina Bigfoot spotted in Cleveland County. The man in North Carolina fended off the Bigfoot creature with a stick before chasing him back into the woods. Tim Peeler said the Bigfoot was 10 feet tall, and he wanted him off his North Carolina property.
"This thing was 10 feet tall," Peeler said in a statement. "It had beautiful hair." Peeler was trying to call coyotes but believes he coaxed the mythical Bigfoot out of the woods. (msnbc.com)

This is the best picture I could find of Bigfoot. After all these years this is best I could get. Which is really most likely a guy wearing a gorilla suit PRETENDING to be Bigfoot. Yeah, that is what all the "experts" say. Which makes it even more amazing that one could still make a living off of being a Bigfoot Expert in this age of Iphones, YouTube, and Tosh.O, Facebook, that Dick Roulette website, without a single shred of evidence. Like I said, this is the best picture I could find. This guy was calling coyotes and he got Bigfoot. Lucky son of a...
On a side note, I really hope all these creatures are real. The Lochness Monster, Bigfoot, Chupacabra. I watch every single episode about Nessi and the hopeful scientists with their underwater sound wave technology and I am always so hopeful and inevitably let down when they don't find her.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The New Britney Spears Everyone...


“I’m not trying to be ’slutty’,” the 17-year-old “Can’t Be Tamed” singer tells the Associated Press.
“I’m not trying to be, like, go to the club and get a bunch of guys,” says Cyrus, who’s currently dating Australian actor Liam Hemsworth. “What I’m trying to do is make a point with my record and look consistent, in the way my record sounds and the way I dress.” (celebitchy.com)

So, she's not TRYING  to be slutty? But, she was doing so well! Then this just comes naturally? She just IS slutty? That makes perfect sense! Well where is her damn parade!! I mean gays and lesbians get a parade, why not the sluts!!

15 more days.....

Taylor Lautner, ladies.
No, no! There is actually a story. Here is Taylor Lautner in a recent interview for GQ explaining how he almost lost and managed to keep the part of Jacob Black for the Twilight series.

On almost getting fired from Twilight: Lautner admits to some dark, if brief, moments of self-doubt. He hired a personal trainer on his own dime and started practicing some Tony Robbins mind tricks. “I’m in the gym,” Lautner says, “and I’m doing reps, and I’m reading the books, and I’m studying the character. I’m just saying to myself, ‘I want this role. I love this role. I’m not gonna lose it. And I’m gonna know it better than anybody, and I’m gonna do that extra rep, because I’m gonna be Jacob Black.’ ” He ate every two hours, mostly meat his parents cooked and then packed in a cooler he kept in the car. Sitting in traffic, Lautner would eat cold ground chuck from plastic Baggies. He put on thirty pounds of muscle, consented to a screen test with Stewart (who lobbied on his behalf), and kept his job. (celebitchy.com)

I would say I admire his dedication to his craft and that I respect him for getting to know the role, embrace it and become it. But, I would be a complete phony because there were tons of pics with him wearing a shirt and I chose this one.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Two-faced Kitten Has Rare Condition

THAT WAS THE ACTUAL TITLE OF THE NEWS STORY. TWO FACED KITTEN HAS ARE CONDITION.

The kitten known as Two Face was brought to the vet shortly after it was born on Wednesday because its mother refused to nurse the kitten. Dr. Erica Drake said the kitten was born with a rare condition called diprosopus, which means the kitten literally has two faces. Two Face has four eyes, two noses and two mouths. (msnbc.com)

They don't mention anything wrong with the little guy besides the obvious fact that the cat has two faces, which leads me to believe that the rare condition is that the cat has two faces. Brilliant observation.

Aww, poor baby

Joran van der Sloot has reportedly told Peruvian officials he wants to come clean about the location of the body of Alabama honor student Natalee Holloway, who went missing five years ago in Aruba.
The reason? He's afraid for his life inside the Peruvian prison where he's locked-up after being charged in the murder of business student Stephany Flores, 21.

"I don't want to be imprisoned in Peru," he told police, according to a local newspaper. "I am afraid I will be killed."

Convicts inside have committed serious crimes"There is too much promiscuity, overcrowding and poor health conditions. I know Joran is isolated . . . This way he'll be safe not only from rape but also from being killed."
(people.com

So, the alleged two time murderer/rapist/thief is afraid he will be killed if he is imprisoned in Peru?Poor thing. He must be as afraid as that girl he strangled and beat to death,, then stole her wallet and car that all she did was go up to his hotel room  in his hotel room. I could not imagine anything worse than being a female, alone in a hotel room with Mr. van der Sloot? Well, I would imagine karma in a Hotel Room would be quite the bitch if left alone in a hotel room with this piece of human feces.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Fantastic!

Burger King (BKC) launched a bit of an unexpected campaign this summer with its barbecue pork ribs. With a price tag north of $7 for eight pieces, the ribs are an oddity in an era when many other merchants are offering up bargains for cash-strapped consumers.
Well it turns out Burger King's rib deal may wind down sooner than expected -- but perhaps not for the reason some think. Demand turned out to be so strong for the tasty barbecue items that BK has just sold its 10 millionth rib and expects to exhaust its supply this month! (msnbc.com)

I was going to put a picture of the actual ribs, but they looked so disgusting I decided to just put the BK logo instead. I would like to say I am shocked but Kentucky Fried Chicken had great success with the very repugnant "Double Down, so much meat there's no room for bread!"
Which leads me to this...



Donna Simpson, 42, weighs more than 600 pounds and aims to reach 1,000 pounds.

The mother of two children, ages 3 and 14, models on a web site called supersizedbombshells.com, where admirers and the curious can pay to watch videos of her eating greasy foods or walking to the car. (msnbc.com)

I think with the ribs from BK and the Double Down from KFC, she just may reach her goal by July.

UPDATE!! The good news is, she's alive...


THOUSAND OAKS, Calif. - Rough weather will delay the rescue of a 16-year-old California girl adrift in her damaged yacht in the Indian Ocean, a family spokesman said Friday.
A French fishing boat will arrive later than the estimated time of 11 a.m. PDT Saturday, said Jeff Casher, an adviser to Abby Sunderland’s solo quest to sail around the world. He was not sure how long the delay would be.( msnbc.com)
....the bad news is she's totally grounded.

He obviously has a type....


This is Janine Lindemulder. Ex wife to soon to be Sandra Bullock's ex husband, Jesse James. She was recently from jail and she had this to say about people's perception of her:

“It’s easy to pick me apart when you don’t know me and… read it on paper ‘porn star,’ ‘tattoos,’ ‘had a run in with drugs.’ OK, then you’ve got me all figured out, but that’s not the case. That’s not the person I am. At least not now.”
“A lot of this stuff has hurt, but it’s also helped me grow… I know how to weed through the B.S. and I have a better sense of myself and what I need to give Jesse and Sandra as a co-parent and how we’re going to protect Sunny all together.” (celebitchy.com)

She's right. It is pretty easy to pick her apart because of all the things she has DONE. Yes, she actually DID these things, they are not rumors.  Not just the "porn star, tattoos, drugs thing." I am talking about the tax evasion thing and the not picking up your daughter when you were supposed to because you were strung out, or obviously getting that very important artwork all over your body to accentuate your trashiness, I mean individuality.
So, yes I am sure it hurts when people judge her.I bet those tats she's got all over her neck and jugular area hurt too. She's a big girl, she'll survive.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

In NO SHIT?! news today...


Rescuers searched Thursday for a 16-year-old Southern California girl who was attempting a solo sail around the world.

Family spokesman Christian Pinkston said the search began for Abby Sunderland somewhere between Africa and Australia. He says emergency beacons activated overnight and there has been a loss of communication. (msnbc.com)

Really? Abby is missing somewhere between Africa and Australia? The 16 year old attempting to sail solo around the world may perhaps be in peril in the Indian Ocean? Not even the Pacific or the Atlantic, you know something American's can distinguish.
If her parents bitch about this I swear...
When I was 16, I was lucky to drive my older sister's car and drive to school every day.
"Mom, Dad I want to sail around the world."
"Great!"
"But, I want to sail around the world by myself."
How did that conversation even happen??

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Those who live in glass houses.....


Katy Perry has this to Tweet about Lady Gaga's new video for "Alejandro."

"USING BLASPHEMY AS ENTERTAINMENT IS AS CHEAP AS A COMEDIAN TELLING A FART JOKE."

I think pontificating about cheap forms of entertainment while wearing a whip cream bikini is about as cheap as well, wearing a whip cream bikini as entertainment.
By the way, your fiancee is a comedian and he is basically a living, breathing fart joke. He needs to stop acting like Captain Jack Sparrow. Even Johnny is getting sick of it.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

SHUTUP ALREADY.

IF I HAVE TO WATCH UFC ON PPV EVERY TWO WEEKS I AM GOING TO ENJOY MY SPARKLY VAMPIRES.

To those of you whose dominant hormone is testosterone,
I really don't expect you to understand, or care even. Just leave me alone with my adoration and I will be content. But you can't can you. You have to take something as simple as a love story involving pale people and just mock it over and over again as if the vampire in the story is actually attempting to suck your blood for sustenance.

I recently had ANOTHER male friend comment on my love of Twilight by brilliantly remarking, "you know vampires aren't real?!" As if I thought or secretly hoped they were. My retort was pretty simple "well Star Wars, Transformers, Iron Man, X Men, Spider Man, Super Man aren't real either but I bet you enjoyed that shit?" Not just the first installment, but the second, third, prequel, sequel. I also bet there were girls at those films who did not particularly care for the wooden acting, stupid dialogue, impossible to follow, shallow yet pretending to be deep, storyline. Basically anything too "Lucas-y" or "Bay-ish". But, they sat held your hand and politely said yes when asked if they liked it.

Oh wait a minute, you didn't really give a shit whether she liked it or not? Shit blowin up! Robots and aliens and Megan Fox's boobs running in the desert oh my!! By the way, the chances of you ever getting a chance to fuck Megan Fox are about as slim as my chances of fucking Edward Cullen.

So, I will not ask you if you like it, I do not care. Just don't make fun. Because for every time there was Bo Derek running on the beach towards Dudley Moore, for every time there was a Scarlett Jo falling in love with Bill Murray, all I got after all these years of male oriented fantasy is one Taylor Lautner, hopefully shirtless for the remainder of the series.