Dear Brad and Angelina

“I never planned on having children biologically,” Angie said last week while in Cannes, France, for the annual film festival. “But that changes when you meet someone you love.”

Really? Wow! Thank you. Thank you for deciding to procreate. I have to admit it was touch and go for a while when you first got together and started adopting right out the gate. Luckily for us, you realized it would be inhumane to deprive the world of what are going have to be the most genetically gifted people to walk amongst society. The kid (kids?) are still a fetus basically and they are already making me feel inadequate. So yeah, thanks for that. I think the countdown has already begun on Maxim to see when Shilo turns 18. The rumor is you are having twin girls, (again THANKS). If that is the case then the countdown has begun for those future hotties too. Here you are trying desperately as you can to make them as worldly as possible, taking them to places of extreme poverty and hunger. Trying to make them outwardly aware and all those schmucks want to do is parade your three baby girls on the cover of their sleazefest. Oh, you must be so proud!