Tuesday, June 8, 2010

SHUTUP ALREADY.

IF I HAVE TO WATCH UFC ON PPV EVERY TWO WEEKS I AM GOING TO ENJOY MY SPARKLY VAMPIRES.

To those of you whose dominant hormone is testosterone,
I really don't expect you to understand, or care even. Just leave me alone with my adoration and I will be content. But you can't can you. You have to take something as simple as a love story involving pale people and just mock it over and over again as if the vampire in the story is actually attempting to suck your blood for sustenance.

I recently had ANOTHER male friend comment on my love of Twilight by brilliantly remarking, "you know vampires aren't real?!" As if I thought or secretly hoped they were. My retort was pretty simple "well Star Wars, Transformers, Iron Man, X Men, Spider Man, Super Man aren't real either but I bet you enjoyed that shit?" Not just the first installment, but the second, third, prequel, sequel. I also bet there were girls at those films who did not particularly care for the wooden acting, stupid dialogue, impossible to follow, shallow yet pretending to be deep, storyline. Basically anything too "Lucas-y" or "Bay-ish". But, they sat held your hand and politely said yes when asked if they liked it.

Oh wait a minute, you didn't really give a shit whether she liked it or not? Shit blowin up! Robots and aliens and Megan Fox's boobs running in the desert oh my!! By the way, the chances of you ever getting a chance to fuck Megan Fox are about as slim as my chances of fucking Edward Cullen.

So, I will not ask you if you like it, I do not care. Just don't make fun. Because for every time there was Bo Derek running on the beach towards Dudley Moore, for every time there was a Scarlett Jo falling in love with Bill Murray, all I got after all these years of male oriented fantasy is one Taylor Lautner, hopefully shirtless for the remainder of the series.

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