Thursday, February 26, 2009

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Parked Behind Me In The No Parking Zone At The Grocery Store

Dear Owner of a Black GTI With an Apple Sticker On Your Hatchback Window (douchebag),
I know you believe in God, because he was the one thing that stopped from ramming my car into yours last night. Asking God for patience was all I could do to keep my cart from just rolling into your shiny black drivers side door. It's not like you didn't deserve it. You blocked my exit, you blocked the pavement between the cement grassy areas that is specially made for my cart to go through. If you could only have witnessed the chaos you caused for about 15 minutes in that parking lot but no you were tucked safely inside of the store. Far away from me. I considered pulling a Fried Green Tomatoes, but like I said God told me not to.
If I could take back that moment in time, I would have patiently waited and beat you with the loaf of french bread I know you were buying instead I walked away. But, if this is where you shop regularly I will be looking for you. I will find you....and I will cut you.
Hugs and Kisses,

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