Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Dear Leaf,

I know you changed your name but that is what your hippy parents named you. If you could change your name why would you go with Joaquin? That is what a crazy person would do...oh yeah you are absolutely insane....
Three months ago, Joaquin Pheonix announced that he was retiring from acting and that his most recent movie Two Lovers with Gwenyth Paltrow would be his last. Casey Affleck, his brother-in-law, told reporters that Joaquin would be going into music. When I heard this, I thought, “well that’s nice - he has a band.” Not so. He has decided that his new career path is going to be rapping. (

Mm-hmm, and you think this is a good idea because????
I would figure that the fact that your brother died in your arms due to a drug overdose would be enough to keep you away from Robitussin for life. Obviously, I was wrong. I would like you to be around a little bit longer so I could adore you just like I did when you played Johnny Cash. Shit, when you played the screwed up kid in Parenthood. You don't have to be famous, crushed by the magnitude of your fame and genius. You don't have to kill your career completely by growing a beard that rivals Grizzly Adams. You know what keep the beard, just please put the microphone down and do not I repeat DO NOT ask me to "throw my hands in the a-yer and wave em' like i just don't ca-yer!" Because, I ca-yer Joaquin. I ca-yer.


Anonymous said...

Rapping? is this a fact ? Leaf, ohh nooo!

Romina said...

Actually, He was the one who named himself leaf because he felt isolated from the rest of the oddly named siblings. But his actual name is Joaquin, or so he said when he was on Oprah promoting Walk the Line.

NonProcessed said...

two questions:

1) FOR REAL???
2) WHY?!!

He's gotta be joking?! Go to:

I ca-yer too!