I'm Just Flat Out Going To Ask,

WHEN IS SOMEBODY GOING TO KICK THIS KID'S ASS?
After month's of silence this is Chris Brown's hello to the world:
“I just wanna say ‘what’s up?’ because I ain’t been out there in a minute,” Chris says in a video shot at Shaquille O’Neal’s house with Bow Wow. “But the new album is gonna be coming soon. We working on it right now. It’s called Graffiti. It’s got everything on it, so y’all be ready for that.”Chris ended, “Everybody that’s haters, they just been haters. All my real fans, I love you all. I ain’t a monster.” (justjared.com)

"What's up?"
"I ain't been out there in a minute"?
What kind of crap is that?
Yes we are haters Chris. We really do hate you. Yes you are a monster, I don't care if you are hanging at Shaq's house with Bow Wow Wow

For the first time ever, Tom Brady sounds like an A-Hole

"There's a different appreciation. If you had him every day, you'd go, 'Let's just get this done.' But when you get him, say, one week a month, you're like, 'This is so cool!' "(people.com)

If this story came at a time, when let's say Tom was actively playing for the New England Patriots and not having several different wedding ceremonies all over the globe with supermodel wife Giselle, I would say "Oh Tommy is such a sweet daddy." But, this comes at a time that he is not an active player, it ain't even football season and he has been running around with Giselle all over the globe. I now say "Wow, one week a month? And you are ok with that? The menial tasks of playing with your child are novel to you because you only see him one week a month?"
If your baby momma is being a total monster and not allowing you to see your baby boy, it is a crime. You not trying to fight the system and spend more time with him than that is criminal.

And The Funnest Person In The World Award Goes To.....

Stefanie Zaner, Iron Kid of Darnestown, is closing in on her 2,340th straight day of public school. Not once in 13 years was Stefanie marked absent: not for a cold, a family vacation, a college visit or a senior skip day. She once went on a freshman trip to Shanghai with the school marching band and boarded the plane with her clarinet only after securing written assurance from the principal that the trip would not count as an absence. She has never broken a bone, thrown up or caught the flu or even a bad cough, she said. (msnbc.com)

She would not board the plane for the school marching band trip to Shanghai unless there was written assurance it did not count as an absence? With clarinet in hand of course. Watch out for this girl, she is trouble!
No kid, kudos seriously. Over achievers are few and far in between, especially at the age of 18.

And it shows...

Kelly Clarkson's fuller frame is obvious to everyone but she says:
“I don’t believe in dieting.” I believe you Kelly.
It doesn't stop there.
“She’s happy where she’s at. She doesn’t think being thin should be a big priority in her life.”Sure, you don't Kelly.
Plus, she wants to continue to be a good role model for her more voluptuous fans. “She gets tons of fan letters telling her to stay curvy,” the source says. “The last thing she wants to do is betray those young women who look up to her by going on a crash diet.” OK. I have nooo problem with that. But in all your videos your are safely hidden behind furniture and a long sweater.
Now here come the discrepancies swiftly following by bulimia:
But even though she’s just fine with being on the fuller side, Kelly’s starting to consider making a change. “She’s nervous about her health,” a friend reveals. She knows she needs to do something about the extra weight.”
Now, I know we all come in different shapes and sizes. I prefer curvy women compared to Gwyneth any day. I appreciate a woman that says "This is me. I take care of myself, but I allow myself to indulge on occasion because I deserve it." But, to say you do not want to let down your fans if you lose weight? That is a lie. You are straight up lying to them and to yourself

Surprise Ending!

"Sexually Ambiguous" Adam Lambert (screaming queen) did not win American Idol. The other guy did. I don't know his name. But that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about Bikini Girl (whore) getting the surprise dis she very much she deserved.
Bikini girl Katrina Darrell thinks Kara DioGuardi made a fool of herself during their surprise duet on Wednesday's American Idol finale.
"I don't think she got the reaction she was hoping for. I think she probably thought I would cry or get mad, and I didn't -- I played it off," Darrell smirks to RadarOnline.com.
"Looking back at the tape, she just made herself look stupid. She didn't make me look stupid," she continues. (usweekly.com)

No, no whore. She did make you look incredibly stupid. I do not watch this show regularly, but I have to say I enjoyed this segment immensely. A judge on American Idol, got on stage, out sang your orange ass then showed "hey look not only can I sing, but I look hot in a bikini too." Basically saying, to you and to the world girls in bikinis with fake tans and fake boobs are a dime a dozen. Talent is rare. I clapped, Simon clapped. This was obviously planned in order to make you look stupid. It worked. Amazingly well.

OOOOOH! How Kinky!

The Black Eye Peas front woman admits to The Sun that she has had experience with women, but nothing too serious: “Put it this way, I’ve experimented definitely, but I have never had a steady girlfriend.”
And she'll be revisiting those experimintations in the new video for BEP.
“You’ll like our next video, for I Got a Feeling, because I have a little girl-on-girl tease section of the video," she says. "They were beautiful. They were hot." (perezhilton.com)

Yaaaaawwwnnnn.
Is this titillating at all anymore? Does this get anybody off? Does Fergie get anybody off?

Anna Wintour Was In Minnesota..

What the hell was the head of Vogue doing in Minnesota you ask? Obviously she was there to rag on the locals:

"I'd just been on a trip to Minnesota, where I can only kindly describe most of the people I saw as little houses. There's such an epidemic of obesity in the United States, and for some reason, everybody focuses on anorexia." (DLISTED.COM)

Hmm. So anorexia is alright? Is she offering her services to the fatties in the middle of the country? I agree obesity is absolutely an epidemic in this country but so is anorexia. Which is usually brought upon by young women reading Vogue magazine. So pass out the manual Anna I am sure you will be thrilled.

Boo Fuckin' Hoo

Jessica Biel says her good looks are hurting her career.
“Yeah, it really is a problem,” Biel tells the June issue of Allure magazine. “I have to be blunt.”
The actress — whose latest film, Powder Blue, (in which she plays a stripper) is going to straight to DVD — isn’t handed plum roles.
“I’m in there with everybody else, fighting for the good parts. Yes, The Illusionist has made a difference — but a huge, massive difference, so I can pick and choose what I want? No.”(celebitchy.com)

I feel soooo sorry for these pretty people. Do you not remember the early career of Angelina Jolie? She was and still is considered one of the most beautiful and sexiest actresses of her generation. What set her apart from other beautiful girls? SHE HAD THE ACTING CHOPS TO BACK UP THE SEXY! TAKE AN ACTING CLASS AND STOP RELYING SIMPLY ON THE SIZE OF YOUR ASS TO GET YOU PARTS!

People I Want To Punch In The face

Vanessa has talked about her role in the film, saying, “My character is a lot more darker, more introverted [than Gabriella in High School Musical]. She’s very deadpan throughout the whole thing. [She spells her name] S-A-5-M and the 5 is silent. She’s cool like that, it’s how she rolls.”
(justjared.com)
I already mentioned this bimbo once this week. That is the dumbest shit I have ever heard.

OK, I take it back THIS is the dumbest shit I have heard...well this week.
Kate says her spiky bob hairstyle reflects her feisty personality.“It’s my attitude! Everybody wants it.” she tells Entertainment Weekly.But not everybody can pull it off.“I have very, very thick hair, so it’s not going to work for everybody,” she says. “I’ve seen people come through the book line with thin hair and it’s just won’t work. My hair stylist gets calls from all across the country.” (wwtdd.com)
This is Kate, from John and Kate Plus Eight. She has a stylist. She has a stylist that I think definitely hates her to suggest the monstrosity she currently has on her head. Sweetie? Posh Spice you are not.

For the first time, I have to say no

Martin Scorsese is set to helm an authorized biopic of Frank Sinatra and….. Universal's first choice for the role is the talented Johnny Depp. (perezhilton.com)

No. No, no and no. I love Johnny Depp and I am sure he would do an amazing job as Frank. But how can you get someone with Johnny's puppy dog brown eyes to play Old Blue Eyes?? No he can't wear contacts.

The Luckiest Girl In The World

Vanessa Hudgens says:
“I will show nudity in a film when the time is right,” Hudgens, 20, told us at this weekend’s Diesel Only the Brave cologne launch party in West Hollywood. “Right now, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, but like I said, when the time’s right, if it’s an amazing movie that I’m really passionate about and that’s what it calls for, then we’ll see.”… (celebitchy.com)

Or, for a digital camera for some guy you were sleeping with two years ago? We all saw your naughty bits Vanessa. For free. Don't think that you can get all Kate Winslet on us and we will not bring that up

Megan Is The New Kanye

She has this to say about being too hot
Megan fumed: “It pisses me off when people fucking complain that I’m too beautiful to get a part. That's bullshit.

Followed the next day by this:
I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I'm also a hypocrite. I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man."

She is just like Kanye. Full of conceit, shallow as a kiddie pool. She walks around the paparazzi licking her lips in 10 out of 10 pictures.
Yes, she is beautiful. Just as Kanye is talented. She constatly talks about her sexiness. Kanye constantly talks about his talent. We don't need reminders. We see you, we heard you the first 147 times.

And, He's Back

I thought Kanye's oversized ego was finally silenced due to his love of fishticks in the now famous episode of South Park. It was only temporary obviously:
I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING TWITTER… WHY WOULD I USE TWITTER??? I ONLY BLOG 5 PERCENT OF WHAT I'M UP TO IN THE FIRST PLACE. I'M ACTUALLY SLOW DELIVERING CONTENT BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY ACTUALLY BUSY BEING CREATIVE MOST OF THE TIME AND IF I'M NOT AND I'M JUST LAYING ON A BEACH I WOULDN'T TELL THE WORLD. EVERYTHING THAT TWITTER OFFERS I NEED LESS OF.

He only blogs 5 % of what he is doing? He blogs all the time and most of it is spent complaining and yelling about everything. Yelling about about how busy he is being creative.

Megan Fox Oozes Something Alright.

"I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against," she says, "but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault.
"I'm just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores," she adds. "It's just there. It's something I don't have to turn on."(msnbc.com)

Yes, we know Megan. You are sex on a stick. You are sex on a dish. You are a sexy dish on a stick and you don't need any syrup or sprinkles to make you any tastier. But if you don't know the SAT words, don't make it seem like Scarlett is using them to try to sound smart. She is smart....and sex on a stick. Which by the way, she does not have to remind me of in her very versatile vocabulary as it oozes out of her pores. I know you are very beautiful and you "don't have to turn it on." Congrats on that and thank you for reminding us of it in every single one of your interviews.

Nick Cannon Better Hide. Now.

Cannon calls Eminem "Slim Lamey" and offers a challenge to him. "Man to man, let's meet up and deal with this like adults," he writes. "This is my invitation to you, whenever and wherever you like sir. So when you come out of your introverted hiding place and ask your bodyguards if you can go out and play by yourself, I'm here Pimp!" "So, Miss Marshall, I'm going to make you wish you never spoke my name and regret the ungodly things you said about my wife," Cannon continues. "Your legacy has now been tainted from this day forth! You will now be known as the rapper who lost to corny-ass Nick Cannon!"(people.com)

Mariah and Eminen famously hooked up years ago. As much as she wants to act like a virgin with her Hello Kitty ensemble (barf), she let him hit it. If she was married to Tommy Mitolla, banging Em must have been heaven.
Now, Nick Cannon is putting him on blast in public calling him Miss Marshall and all that. If there is one thing we all know is unless it is in his own song, Miss Marshall does not have much of a sense of humor about anything. Does anybody remember him yelling at Comic the Insult Dog a few years back?
Run Nick Cannon. Run quickly.

Jon and Kate Plus Eight...plus two other people

Two weeks after stories linked her husband, Jon Gosselin, with a 23-year-old school teacher, Kate says she is now the target of tabloid lies. "The next story coming out from the animals that stalk us is about our security person and his family," Kate tells PEOPLE exclusively. "Already the allegations they're making about me are disgusting, unthinkable, unfathomable, and I am horrified." (people.com)

This is what you get for being on a reality show. For profit you are exposing your family, your huge family, to endless scrutiny because you chose to live a public lifestyle. The only reason you have the show is those 8 kids, which is ironic because you probably would have a normal happy marriage were it not for those 8 kids. Yes, children are a blessing yada, yada. But after 8 kids, you will eventually bicker endlessly and have no sex life. Well, at least not with your spouse everybody else will be getting a piece.

Jada Pinkett Smith Say What???

In her interview for Ebony Magazine Jada had this to say regarding her children and all those pesky rich kids:
On their decision to home school…“I didn’t want my children around other privileged kids who felt entitled. I didn’t want them to be around just one type of person.” (celebitchy.com)

Huh? But all of your children are privileged, black, wealthy and famous. Oh and siblings to boot, so what do you mean you don't want them around one type of person? You basically have them around eachother all day which means, privileged, black wealthy and famous kids. We could go back and forth with this all day Jada. So, if you secretly think your children are rich brats just say so.

Father Cutie

MIAMI - A popular Miami priest and media personality said Monday he is thinking about leaving the Roman Catholic Church for a woman he loves after a magazine ran pictures of the couple kissing and hugging.
Rev. Alberto Cutie told the CBS "Early Show" on Monday he supports the church's stand that priests should be celibate and said he does not want to become the "anti-celibacy priest." (msnbc.com)

Well the Catholics can certainly count on their hypocrisy. A priest caught with a woman? Asked to step down from the Roman Catholic Church. A priest caught sexually abusing a young boy? Brush it under the rug and move him to another parish, let him keep his job. That's what Jesus would have done.

WTF Elizabeth Hurley????

I don't care what you think about your home town the answer should never be this:
‘When I close my eyes and think of England, I’m not in a fancy restaurant in Knightsbridge, but am instead lolling, scantily clad, in front of a roaring fire, surrounded by four labradors and Rupert Campbell-Black,’ she said, referring to one of Miss Cooper’s dashing characters.

I repeat WTF Elizabeth Hurley? I don't care about the rest of the sentence. Scantily clad by a fire and surrounded by four dogs? Gross..

More Chris Brown and Rihanna Drama

This is his defense:
"I am informed and believe that this highly prejudicial photograph was sold by an LAPD officer to the entertainment website, TMZ," Geragos states. "The photograph was immediately viewed by hundreds of thousands of viewers and was displayed on every news channel for several weeks ... The purpose of the leak was necessarily for profit and to vilify Mr. Brown and poison the potential jury pool." (people.com)

Alright, the picture was leaked. What does the picture show? A pony? Noooo. Chris Brown riding a pony? Noooo. It shows the severely beaten face of the victim.

Now, this explains why the victim might not care what her PR agents are telling her when she cancelled a concert scheduled the same week Chris Brown's trial began:
Yassin Matbouly, the managing director of an entertainment agency in the United Arab Emirates, told the AP that he had been told by Rihanna’s management that “it was inappropriate timing for her to have a public concert."

She did not perform. So that was "appropriate behavior" on her part I suppose. Was it necessary? No. But, I imagine she is doing as she is told after somebody severly beat her ass.

An Open Letter To Brett Favre

The Vikings coach is expected to fly to Mississippi later today to meet with the former Packers and Jets quarterback Wednesday night and Thursday, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported.
The report, citing "a person with knowledge of the situation," said Childress will have dinner with Favre on Wednesday and start discussions about joining Minnesota.
The "in-depth" part of the meeting will be Thursday, according to the report.
Favre spent 16 seasons in Green Bay, retiring in 2008 after leading the Packers to the NFC title game. He changed his mind a few months later, which set up a long and messy soap opera that ultimately led to his trade to the Jets. (foxsports.com)

Dear Brett,
let me just start by saying how much we have loved you. I loved watching you play every week with GREENBAY, those were good times. You had an amazing last season with GREENBAY and you should be extremely proud. I am so happy that you spent so many years playing with GREENBAY, injury free and one of the most respected quarterbacks, no atheletes of all time.
But, last year fiasco. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. Nobody likes the Jets. The uniforms are ugly, they suck and not even you could do anything to save the franchise. So you decided to retire. Again. On that note, stop now.
Please enough of your pride, and competitiveness. You seem a bit pitiful at this point and a bit of a joke which is unfortunate considering the long career you had with GREENBAY. Please just stop now.
I know you won't listen and hey, maybe I will be eating crow next season if you take the Vikings (??????????) all the way. But, please just stop. Now.

Christ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0P9w0tTjLs

Just watch it. Just watch it and ask yourself who does this? Who dresses like this to exercise? Who wears a full face of makeup including hot pink lip gloss and false eyelashes, has their hair done, wears a leather belt to work out? No not Gene Simmons, Kim Kardashian. Just watch it ok and for those of you not sporting a boner you will find it a bit ridiculous.

More Uh Doy News

The title of the article reads: Is Lindsay Lohan Harmful To Her Little Sister?

The obvious answer is YES!
Who cares what the article says? The answer is yes!
Ali Lohan may score a lot of perks thanks to big sis Lindsay – think nights out in Hollywood hotspots, Beverly Hills shopping sprees and the recent trip to Hawaii where the pair wore teensy bikinis and were photographed constantly. Unfortunately, one thing the 15-year-old starlet isn’t getting from Lindsay is a good role model who’s making positive life choices. Experts say the sibling relationship could actually be harmful to Ali’s mental health. (celebitchy.com)

So yeah, if your big sister is Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears you are in peril. Just ask Jamie Lynn and her baby.

Some Words Before Dying

I was reading some actual last words from prisoners about to be put to death. Some were spiritual:
"I'm ready to be released. Release me."

Others were just plain weird:
"I didn't take [the last meal] because I have very strong convictions about abortion and the 33 million babies that have been aborted in this country. Those babies never got a first meal and that's why I didn't take the last in their memory."

But most had to do with football:

"Redskins are going to the Super Bowl."

"We all got to go sometime, some sooner than others. I'm going to be busy getting the Browns to the Super Bowl. Working magic. I love you guys."

"Go Raiders!"
That last one was completely futile. What a waste!

My Dream

I had a dream last night that I was married to Wolverine, well Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. It was amazing and very vivid. My friends were very concerned because they saw all three pronged holes in in various pieces of furniture and walls. They of course did not know of his powers but I did. Oh boy, I most certainly did. You wonder how could a superhero want to be with a simple litte girl like me? You know what I didn't even bother to ask, it was heaven.